Re: Upheaval (in a minor key) by ecargo	18-Apr-06/10:29 AM
I like the second verse; it's different, but familiar in feeling. The first verse could lose the first line, I think, and the word "down" in line 2, since it's repeated in line 5.
Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	18-Apr-06/6:55 AM
With the old spelling of "fair" and the Phoenix legend, I predicted the end. But did so wrongly - nice.
Re: slice of moonlight by lmp	17-Apr-06/4:55 PM
Good use of the Terza Rima rhyme scheme, without seeming forced.
Re: a comment on In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	17-Apr-06/8:01 AM
In his mind, he watched her - thought of her when she was alive. Thanks.
Re: a comment on In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	17-Apr-06/7:58 AM
“Winding rain” does imply wind, as the rain winds its way at an angle. The 61 years are for specificity, but maybe that’s not needed. The thing I want to show in his perseverance and that he always did what he could.
Re: a comment on In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	17-Apr-06/7:56 AM
I agree that explanations are like male nipples if they are not contained in the poem. But anyway, the “trunk” is the trunk of his car. And, he nailed the flower pot to the ground by pounding a chopstick down through its bottom. It actually worked pretty well.
Re: Lovely Independence by Sunny	17-Apr-06/7:39 AM
The enjambed verses don't work for me. You can do that, but only if a new thought begins in the new verse. I think you mean botching.
Re: a comment on Another quarter. by richa	17-Apr-06/7:31 AM
Maybe it rides over the sticks.
Re: Another quarter. by richa	17-Apr-06/7:30 AM
Some good connections: scalding frost, cuts like a cigar. scend gone like a left-out pie. Spring sprung. Good.
Re: a comment on Genesis by Dovina	16-Apr-06/8:04 PM
I hope you make this stuff as you go. That's waht I do. Otherwise, you'd be thinking like somebody who thinks differently from somebody else. Kaleb thinks differently.
Re: a comment on Genesis by Dovina	16-Apr-06/5:33 AM
Thanks. It’s interesting that two of the primary developers of physics were deeply religious. Isaac Newton spent almost as much time writing a commentary on the Book of Revelation as he did on the laws of physics. Einstein was more of a loner: “My consciousness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice has preserved me from feeling isolated. The most beautiful and deepest experience a man can have is the sense of the mysterious.” “My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior Spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds.” When asked if he believes in Jesus, Einstein said, “Unquestionably! No one can read the Gospels without feeling the actual presence of Jesus. His personality pulsates in every word. No myth is filled with such life."
Re: take a jump with me by hendrimike	15-Apr-06/11:38 AM
You were doing good until the last 5 lines. They spoil the bravery by giving the conclusion.
Re: Murder by Enkidu	15-Apr-06/11:35 AM
Good. The last 2 lines clinch it.
Re: view from the top by pollywolly	15-Apr-06/11:32 AM
Good until the last 3 lines, which negate her glorious view. Maybe she looks above the mist.
Re: a comment on Genesis by Dovina	15-Apr-06/11:19 AM
Your day of rest is over, eh? Have a Happy Easter.
Re: a comment on my girl's day [tri-ku] by lmp	14-Apr-06/8:05 PM
She could be saying goodnight to the moon and stars, or saying that it is a good night, or looking up at you and saying goodnight, or saying you are a good knight (a stretch), or that she's happy the moon and stars are above you, because otherwise it would not be a good night.
Re: a comment on Genesis by Dovina	14-Apr-06/7:58 PM
My faith in God is not always “joyous” but it is “an insecure cry.” People who need religion believe in God, as you say, but some people would rather not have religion, and still they believe. I envy atheists for their ability to disbelieve. “Those who don't believe in God are comfortable with this life as their only existence,” as you say. But I am also comfortable with only this mortal life. I see no connection between believing in God and explaining what happens after death. I admire your faith that creation of the universe “will eventually be explained in solid scientific theory.” My faith does not extend to such grandiose achievements.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	14-Apr-06/10:46 AM
I have not been clear. Fantasy is all right. It's just that in this poem, Alchemy had explained it, (see the comments) then he revised it. Now it looks more like fantasy than it did originally. Nothing wrong with that.
Re: a comment on a dream by lmp	14-Apr-06/10:40 AM
That little red "x" is deceptive. I have made the same mistake. I suggest that you post a suggetion on the Suggestion board, pleading with Kaolin to give us a "Do you really want to delete this comment and all the comments under it?" so that if we hit the x accidently, we are not totally fuddered. As for your poem, yes, its ok to write fantasy. and you've done it quite nicely here.
Re: my girl's day [tri-ku] by lmp	14-Apr-06/10:32 AM
I like #3 because of its double meaning. 10 on #3.