Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	24-Apr-06/7:43 PM
Thanks for the comment. Enjambment between verses is something I have complained about in others’ poems. Now, here I am doing it myself, like some hypocrite. I thought that “competing statues” was a new thought, though connected in the sentence with not so much as a comma, so I did the act.
Re: a comment on I Sleep by Sunny	24-Apr-06/3:02 PM
Sorry, I'm angry, and deletion is my vent!
Re: a comment on I Sleep by Sunny	24-Apr-06/3:02 PM
I find Eratosphere much less friendly than Poemranker. You cannot comment to each other as we do here, and the administration keeps a tight grip on what they consider misconduct. In short, I don't see why so many more people use it than use Poemranker. Nevertheless, you have to go where the poets are, and they are not here anymore for the most part.
Re: Tea and Battenburg by Caducus	21-Apr-06/3:54 PM
I think I would have to know Battenburg and Stephen Forrester to appreciate this. Still, the first three verses are clear enough.
Re: Sun's color by annadoc	21-Apr-06/3:45 PM
I like the dancing lilt of this. "prisms of color and light" could lose the "light." And "prisms" may not be right here. Prisms bend the white sunlight (refract it) and show off its colors. But that's the techie answer, yours is the poetic one. And the title seems wrong; is it really the sun's color that this is about or is it interaction with the sun?
Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	19-Apr-06/8:51 PM
Once upon a time, there was a woman who had a man; and she was his one-and-only. He catered to her desires and placed her likeness on a pedestal in the public square of his life. Then along came wicked glamour-warriors, encroachers upon her man. He, finding some of them lovely, made pedestals for them also, and had bronze statues of then crafted and placed in his public square beside hers. Their statues were beautiful to look upon, where hers was a mere working mule who gave him pleasure as she could. Finally she was fed up. She left the king to his serfdom, and trotted off to plow rows and write poems
Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	19-Apr-06/5:19 PM
While that is not what I was thinking, I will allow you that interpretation. It's a far sight better than Hitler's rendering of the New Testament and Stephen Robins' take on WWII.
Re: grim task by lmp	19-Apr-06/5:10 PM
Verses 1 and 2 are good. Verse 3 is awkward. The repeated line, "he collects himself and his meager pay" seems bland for a "grim task."
Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	19-Apr-06/5:04 PM
lol. I have had 0. Explain that!
Re: The Waiting Room by Sunny	19-Apr-06/5:03 PM
I like the ambiguous ending. I think such an ending deserves tightness throughout. That would make it stronger, I think. "These depictions are levitating inside my peripherals" could "depictions levitate." "I recognize this room as a waiting room." -> "a waiting room." concrete certainties are the same as just "certainties." etc.
Re: a comment on A Bronze Mule by Dovina	19-Apr-06/4:53 PM
Then you have a feeling for what it means. Go for explaining it please. And do not worry that I will impose the pompspouter rule again.
Re: a comment on In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	19-Apr-06/7:00 AM
You have him pegged. “quietly determined” describes him perfectly. It’s great when somebody understands.
Re: a comment on Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	18-Apr-06/3:37 PM
Oh, I didn't mean you should use it. It was just what I thought while reading yours - another interpretation.
Re: a comment on Buddy by ALChemy	18-Apr-06/3:26 PM
We do, but it's usually empty. You can go there and talk to yourself and argue back.
Re: a comment on A South London Lullaby by Caducus	18-Apr-06/3:14 PM
Rahab
Re: a comment on Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	18-Apr-06/3:12 PM
Well then, here’s one: A fallen leaf turns often in the air The wind lifts and turns it, moving it the wind’s direction, fickle wind the bird controls, but the leaf cannot.
Re: a comment on A South London Lullaby by Caducus	18-Apr-06/3:02 PM
John 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
Re: a comment on Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	18-Apr-06/2:47 PM
How does it work? You say. I don’t see even half of the things you mention. Frankly, it seems too ambitious. To get all of those ideas over to your readers, even the extra-smart readers - well, if you do it, hats off. I sometimes think that a poem I have posted, like “In Ethel’s Honor,” is easy to understand. My fear in that one was that everyone would find it too simple and lacking any importance. As it turns out, my clear thoughts were not so clearly expressed, and most people misunderstood at least part of it. All I was trying to show is that he was a persevering man who did what he could. Sometimes I intend double meanings, even triple meanings; but I’m beginning to think that if I get just one simple idea across, the poem is a success.
Re: A South London Lullaby by Caducus	18-Apr-06/10:40 AM
Sad and good. I don't know about the Rapunzel line. The last 4 lines need more of a lulaby sound, I think.
Re: my girl's day [tri-ku] by lmp	18-Apr-06/10:33 AM
"tri-ku" seems bland for a title. I would stick with "my girl's day."