Re: 6 bloody mary's/2 cups of Rossi by Crakyamuni	4-Mar-05/12:16 PM
after 6 drinks and whatever else, yeah, why not?
Re: March 3,2005/I lost someone by RION12	4-Mar-05/12:22 PM
Then send it to Danny's friends. It's not polished enough for general audiances.
Re: A Dozen Roses by jroday	4-Mar-05/12:29 PM
The sentiment is hearthelt. The idea of relating sentiment to 12 roses is good. The 9th and 10th are especially nice. But too many lines try too hard to rhyme, and try too little for expression of the feelings you have. Line 2, for example, rhymes with Line 1, but should do more.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-05/8:33 AM
The two commas in Line 4 add a charming hesitancy, which, mingled with the words “at least” must provide these oft-willing women with a sense dominance and control so often lacking where their pleasure is not foremost as implied in this lovely rendering.
Re: You Fell Asleep First by jessicazee	7-Mar-05/8:42 AM
Except for some confusing spacing and "my phone calls are touching," which seems to change the focus, I like it.
Re: The Privaleged by i_am_the_popsicle	7-Mar-05/9:09 AM
I didn't get past the first verse due to spelling.
Re: Pilgrim by richa	7-Mar-05/3:41 PM
Snake heaven may have tall golden canes, but virgins for the Pilgrim Puritans? And that last verse with its semicolon and new sentence midway, well, look at the grammar.
Re: Disfigure by DevilBuni	7-Mar-05/3:44 PM
It's far fetched, but with enough truth to consider developing.
Re: Poet, Earth mover by INTRANSIT	8-Mar-05/2:54 PM
If you're calling it Poet, Earth Mover, then maybe use bulldozer in the last line. Or you could call it Poet, Farmer.
Re: Rough Translation (Prose) by William Alfaro	8-Mar-05/4:14 PM
I'm sure thepinkbunnyofdoom appreciates the 10 you gave to each of his poems today, and the zeros needed to raise several of his to the top 20, helped of course by the 10's of Vince Dolamando, Nicely done! You realize, the poetntial is unlimited with multiple usernames and annonymous votes.
Re: Evening by Enkidu	10-Mar-05/11:59 AM
"life's" seems unneeded, and "nightly" seems not often enough for most catastrophes.
Re: A Dance by D. $ Fontera	10-Mar-05/12:01 PM
Seems silly. What on earth do you mean?
Re: To those that would teach poetry by INTRANSIT	10-Mar-05/12:09 PM
Why didn't you cahnge "it's" to "its" on this edit? It's been pointed out before. "forge you a sword" - don't get the connection. Otherwise good.
Re: How to make a suicide bomber by Caducus	12-Mar-05/10:49 AM
A commentary on American policy in Iraq, and a good one. Some repetative lines, probably written in angst - "spat on your brothers" and "Killed my brothers" - "told you how to live,who to worship" and "criticized my God."
Re: Enchanted Place by Beyond_Dreams	12-Mar-05/10:55 AM
You have some good wording here, but I don't know the subject. An art-based poem like this might come through nicely if I were looking at the artwork. I suggest in writing such a poem that you provide a link to the art.
Re: Your New Apartment by jessicazee	12-Mar-05/11:01 AM
Punctuation would help to clarify, especially using prose poem form. As it stands, I had to keep going back.
Re: The Better Beggar by PodPoet	12-Mar-05/11:07 AM
It's a good point, but I think you carry on too much. Three or four verses could say it better. And trying to maintain rhyme and beat have weakened most of the verses.
Re: Never Did You by Dreammaker1024	12-Mar-05/11:12 AM
Not really a poem, maybe a prose poem. To be a poem, it should be cleverly written, unususl, and touching to an uninformed reader.
Re: Girl of my Dreams??? by thepinkbunnyofdoom	12-Mar-05/11:15 AM
An interesting romance to follow as it winds through the ranker.
Re: wishes by the_poetess	12-Mar-05/11:32 AM
I don't think anybody gets you. I've read the comments and see you as much younger, but like me, healthy, smart and bored. Jumping off a bridge and can't even drown. So what can I tell you except to find somepalce to feel needed and keep plugging away at this; it has potential.