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Never Did You (Free verse) by Dreammaker1024
I couldn’t help but feel sad, I couldn’t help but cry, but the one thing I couldn’t do was get over you. You took me by surprise, that day long ago. You took my heart on a whirlwind adventure through heaven. The one thing you never did was reveal your feelings for me. In my nights rest you conquered my dreams, in my days weakness you forced your image into my minds vision. But you never came to my reality to present yourself as mine. For years you’ve been my wish on the first risen star, in recent months you’ve been the prayer constantly on my nights lips. Yet in all this time I was never yours. Last night we had a conversation, my thoughts are confused. Today we’ ll talk once more, this new girl of yours is the topic. Still tonight you'll let me think I have a chance. I’ve now realized that things may never be, I’ve now started to try to forget my many feelings. Being in love with love is a cruel reality when it leads to you being in love alone. I couldn’t help but feel sad, I couldn’t help but cry, but the one thing I still couldn’t do was get over you.

Down the ladder: Dreamtime

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.9403987
Overall Rank: 9115
Posted: January 25, 2005 4:21 PM PST; Last modified: March 11, 2005 9:15 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] wilco @ 24.165.207.93 | 25-Jan-05/8:01 PM | Reply
You need some line breaks in there to make it flow better. i think thi'll be all right if you do that and do a little more work to it.
[4] Dovina @ 12.72.13.229 | 12-Mar-05/11:12 AM | Reply
Not really a poem, maybe a prose poem. To be a poem, it should be cleverly written, unususl, and touching to an uninformed reader.
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.11.13 | 12-Mar-05/11:15 PM | Reply
This is simply awful. Can I make a recommendation? Please visit these poetry links:

http://www.favoritepoem.org/poems/index.html
http://www.slate.com/id/2114499/
http://www.poemranker.com/index.jsp

And read until your eyeballs rupture. That's the only way your going to get close to writing a poem worth criticising. I'm not trying to be hard on you, by the way; that's seriously what everybody who wants to write presentable poetry has to do, and it shows in this poem that you haven't done it. Good luck, and let me know how it comes out!

-zodiac
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.11.13 | 14-Mar-05/10:15 PM | Reply
PS-When did you realize it was all going wrong? Was it when he ruptured Ms Dupree's bag of waters with his teeth for a bizarre party gag?
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