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March 3,2005/I lost someone (Free verse) by RION12
March 3,2005 This is the day I lost a family member. I don't even think I know him. Tears fall down my face. As I lay in bed in my dark room. I hear nothing, not even me breathing. I am motionless, I cover my self with a blacket. I lay there still motionless and scared. I lay on my bed. I listen to some very soft and sad music. I get up to write poetry but this poem is all I got of me. I just stand there. I let go of myself. I fall to the floor and once again I am motionless. *Note* My couisn really did die and I wrote this poem to express a lot of feelings I don't like to express. I would just like to say this poem is to him. To Danny my second cousin. R.I.P Danny

Up the ladder: Comment on Avian 'flu
Down the ladder: Mourning Sickness

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.8333335
Weighted score: 4.9551764
Overall Rank: 8729
Posted: March 3, 2005 11:12 PM PST; Last modified: March 3, 2005 11:12 PM PST
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Comments:
[2] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 4-Mar-05/8:06 AM | Reply
I know it is in bad taste to say something when your clearly aching with sorrow over the loss of your second cousin but this poem just lacks something, I can't put my finger on it but it will come to me...
[n/a] RION12 @ 64.136.26.226 > Stephen Robins | 5-Mar-05/10:04 AM | Reply
Thanks for putting it easy on me. I know the poem sucks but like I said in my the poem "I get up to write poetry but this poem is all I got out of me."
[n/a] edpeterson @ 68.20.2.148 | 4-Mar-05/11:31 AM | Reply
What a coincidence! I too am listening to some very soft and sad music right this very moment. I seem to have lost my blacket, though. You're gay.

Please, end the buffoonery.
[5] Dovina @ 12.72.11.213 | 4-Mar-05/12:22 PM | Reply
Then send it to Danny's friends. It's not polished enough for general audiances.
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