poemranker ::Poet, Earth mover by INTRANSIT

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Free verse № 116334

Poet, Earth mover

by INTRANSIT

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Dec 2004 · Edited 11 Mar 2005 · 30 comments

As other children bat portently at tetherball and four square a boy walks a hot walk wearing the full weight of his angry red shirt while the heels of his torn bluejeans stir the gravel and dirt that measure the schoolyard fence he pauses only once to mimic the wounded dog howl of a tractors' brakes.

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7817 views 315 View voting details →

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30 comments

[9] Dovina 9-Dec-04/4:56 PM Reply
Quite good.
[9] SupremeDreamer 11-Dec-04/4:41 AM Reply
Yes, I like this piece too Intransit, my ol' companion, but there is an issue which bothers me:

potently...

"portently" Is not a word, atleast according to my dictionary, so I believe it's "potently" that you wished to utilize in the poem.

That aside, I bless thee with nine.

Go In Peace Brother...
[9] Dovina › SupremeDreamer 8-Mar-05/2:57 PM Reply
Portently is from portent. Their tetherball and foursdquare games portend the kind of grownups they will become.
[8] zodiac › Dovina 9-Mar-05/4:48 AM Reply
No it's not, you dope. And have you ever noticed how adverbs are made from adjectives, not from nouns?

Maybe he meant portly?
[9] Dovina › zodiac 9-Mar-05/6:48 AM Reply
Portly is obviously not what he meant! Notice that obviously is from an noun/adjective. And, yes, portent can be an adjective, as if it makes a diddly difference.
[7] edpeterson › Dovina 9-Mar-05/7:20 AM Reply
no. portentous is the adj form. portentously would be the adv form.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › Dovina 9-Mar-05/12:55 PM Reply
Well guys, here's the deal. I tried to find another word altogether, but I didn't find anything I liked. I went with portentously because I went back to the dictionary and decided this was the best solution. Anything else that bugs you? Feel free to drop the hammer.
[9] Dovina › INTRANSIT 10-Mar-05/8:01 AM Reply
You'd do better to just omit the word than yield to their "best" solution. Sure its corrcet, so what. You've traded their approval for what I thought was a better way of saying it.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › Dovina 10-Mar-05/12:11 PM Reply
Can I get a ruling on coinage vs. proper grammar. I didn't just run off and Yield. I consulted a well respected book and made a decision. I prefer it the other way as well,-ously, seems unnecessarily long.
[9] Dovina › INTRANSIT 10-Mar-05/12:14 PM Reply
Go with coinage. (Poemranker rule 3675876.890 rev. 5789)
[n/a] richa › INTRANSIT 10-Mar-05/3:02 PM Reply
I believe portentous is correct as it is an adjective describing that children batting at tetherball is a portent. Portentously suggests that the children are doing the portending.
[7] edpeterson › Dovina 10-Mar-05/3:15 PM Reply

whose "best solution"? whose approval? I don't see anyone suggesting a solution, nor anyone seeking approval. Verdict: Very Dim.
[8] zodiac › Dovina 11-Mar-05/9:19 PM Reply
How far would you go to avoid the appearance of agreeing with us? Would you, um, suck a cock? Do you think that's very healthy?

PS-Obvious is only an adjective, not a noun. Sorry. :-(
[8] zodiac › zodiac 11-Mar-05/9:21 PM Reply
DOVINA: What about the expression "Stating the obvious"?

ZODIAC: Still an adjective. Or as much an adjective as best in "All for the best" or husky in "Songs for the husky".

Next question?
[9] Dovina › zodiac 13-Mar-05/9:49 PM Reply
Next question:
Is "stupid" a noun, as in a name for your silliness, or an adjective, the way to describe it?
[8] zodiac › Dovina 14-Mar-05/9:33 PM Reply
Stupid is an adjective.

Next question: If your car, assuming you drive one, started making some fucked up grinding sound when you put it in gear, and you took it to an auto mechanic, and he said "I think your transmission's going out", would you say "Your unsupported, the problem's with the dome light" and trump in his face?
[n/a] INTRANSIT › zodiac 13-Mar-05/11:48 AM Reply
Is the cock sucking directed at me? The colors are googling with my eyes and I can't tell. Sorry.
[9] Dovina › INTRANSIT 13-Mar-05/9:51 PM Reply
No, it's directed at me. You don't even have to consider the colors or the indentation to know that.
[8] zodiac › Dovina 14-Mar-05/9:34 PM Reply
What notion, exactly, do you have about the word 'hypothetical'?
[7] edpeterson › Dovina 10-Mar-05/3:16 PM Reply
and it makes a difference if you want anybody to know what the fuck you are talking about.
[9] Dovina 8-Mar-05/2:54 PM Reply
If you're calling it Poet, Earth Mover, then maybe use bulldozer in the last line. Or you could call it Poet, Farmer.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › Dovina 8-Mar-05/7:19 PM Reply
Well, while poets are farmer-like in some respects, I was thinking about road tractors. The Idea was spawned from a dump trucks brakes, but that seems too wordy and interrupts what little rhythm I have here.
[7] edpeterson 9-Mar-05/7:22 AM Reply
one pause to mimic....

I like it. the first stanza is unnecessarily difficult, especially while we try to decode "portently"
[6] nentwined 9-Mar-05/1:14 PM Reply
I don't get the use of "portentously" here, though I like how it rolls. [[what portent does this state?]]

nor "a hot walk", which rolls less well repeated

piece doesn't gel for me, though I really like the individual bits not mentioned, individually.
[6] nentwined › nentwined 9-Mar-05/3:41 PM Reply
What, in 100 words or less, were you trying to get at with the portent of playing tether ball and four square? :)

And what is a "hot walk"?

And what is the idea, here, really? :)
[n/a] INTRANSIT › nentwined 9-Mar-05/7:34 PM Reply
Ultimately the idea is plum freedom. A hot walk is a determined walk, he has someplace to go but there's the fence issue.
The games are very limited . Ball on the end of a rope. Four squares (walls). I'll save the other words. I may need them later.;/
[6] nentwined › INTRANSIT 9-Mar-05/7:42 PM Reply
Ah, I'm getting you a lot more, now.

I like the idea. :)

I want to play with it myself, but will refrain until some inspiration strikes that allows me different words to rearrange.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › nentwined 9-Mar-05/7:45 PM Reply
Tamper away. I got nothin' new anyway, might as well learn from what i gots.
[7] edpeterson 9-Mar-05/4:16 PM Reply
of a tractor's or
of tractors'
[n/a] INTRANSIT 11-Mar-05/11:30 AM Reply
I put it back because it is hard to believe that in the entire history of poetry that every single poem that ever went to print was one hundred percent grammatically correct. If that was actually the case, there would be no poetry. It would all be newspaper articles. Therefore, I have ruled on the aforementioned request and I therefore rule:

I rule.