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Poet, Earth mover (Free verse) by INTRANSIT As other children bat portently
at tetherball
and four square
a boy walks a hot walk
wearing the full weight
of his angry red shirt
while the heels of his torn bluejeans
stir the gravel and dirt
that measure the schoolyard fence
he pauses only once to mimic
the wounded dog howl
of a tractors' brakes.
Up the ladder:
What I Wouldn't Give
Down the ladder:
The Sky is My Nation
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: December 9, 2004 6:18 AM PST; Last modified: March 11, 2005 11:26 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7822 Comments:
[9]
Dovina @ 69.175.6.101
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9-Dec-04/4:56 PM
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Reply
Quite good.
Yes, I like this piece too Intransit, my ol' companion, but there is an issue which bothers me:
potently... "portently" Is not a word, atleast according to my dictionary, so I believe it's "potently" that you wished to utilize in the poem. That aside, I bless thee with nine. Go In Peace Brother...
Portently is from portent. Their tetherball and foursdquare games portend the kind of grownups they will become.
No it's not, you dope. And have you ever noticed how adverbs are made from adjectives, not from nouns?
Maybe he meant portly?
Portly is obviously not what he meant! Notice that obviously is from an noun/adjective. And, yes, portent can be an adjective, as if it makes a diddly difference.
no. portentous is the adj form. portentously would be the adv form.
Well guys, here's the deal. I tried to find another word altogether, but I didn't find anything I liked. I went with portentously because I went back to the dictionary and decided this was the best solution. Anything else that bugs you? Feel free to drop the hammer.
You'd do better to just omit the word than yield to their "best" solution. Sure its corrcet, so what. You've traded their approval for what I thought was a better way of saying it.
Can I get a ruling on coinage vs. proper grammar. I didn't just run off and Yield. I consulted a well respected book and made a decision. I prefer it the other way as well,-ously, seems unnecessarily long.
Go with coinage. (Poemranker rule 3675876.890 rev. 5789)
I believe portentous is correct as it is an adjective describing that children batting at tetherball is a portent. Portentously suggests that the children are doing the portending.
whose "best solution"? whose approval? I don't see anyone suggesting a solution, nor anyone seeking approval. Verdict: Very Dim.
How far would you go to avoid the appearance of agreeing with us? Would you, um, suck a cock? Do you think that's very healthy?
PS-Obvious is only an adjective, not a noun. Sorry. :-(
DOVINA: What about the expression "Stating the obvious"?
ZODIAC: Still an adjective. Or as much an adjective as best in "All for the best" or husky in "Songs for the husky". Next question?
Next question:
Is "stupid" a noun, as in a name for your silliness, or an adjective, the way to describe it?
Stupid is an adjective.
Next question: If your car, assuming you drive one, started making some fucked up grinding sound when you put it in gear, and you took it to an auto mechanic, and he said "I think your transmission's going out", would you say "Your unsupported, the problem's with the dome light" and trump in his face?
Is the cock sucking directed at me? The colors are googling with my eyes and I can't tell. Sorry.
No, it's directed at me. You don't even have to consider the colors or the indentation to know that.
What notion, exactly, do you have about the word 'hypothetical'?
and it makes a difference if you want anybody to know what the fuck you are talking about.
If you're calling it Poet, Earth Mover, then maybe use bulldozer in the last line. Or you could call it Poet, Farmer.
Well, while poets are farmer-like in some respects, I was thinking about road tractors. The Idea was spawned from a dump trucks brakes, but that seems too wordy and interrupts what little rhythm I have here.
one pause to mimic....
I like it. the first stanza is unnecessarily difficult, especially while we try to decode "portently"
I don't get the use of "portentously" here, though I like how it rolls. [[what portent does this state?]]
nor "a hot walk", which rolls less well repeated piece doesn't gel for me, though I really like the individual bits not mentioned, individually.
What, in 100 words or less, were you trying to get at with the portent of playing tether ball and four square? :)
And what is a "hot walk"? And what is the idea, here, really? :)
Ultimately the idea is plum freedom. A hot walk is a determined walk, he has someplace to go but there's the fence issue.
The games are very limited . Ball on the end of a rope. Four squares (walls). I'll save the other words. I may need them later.;/
Ah, I'm getting you a lot more, now.
I like the idea. :) I want to play with it myself, but will refrain until some inspiration strikes that allows me different words to rearrange.
Tamper away. I got nothin' new anyway, might as well learn from what i gots.
of a tractor's or
of tractors'
I put it back because it is hard to believe that in the entire history of poetry that every single poem that ever went to print was one hundred percent grammatically correct. If that was actually the case, there would be no poetry. It would all be newspaper articles. Therefore, I have ruled on the aforementioned request and I therefore rule:
I rule. 315 view(s)
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