Re: Submit by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	25-Jun-05/7:23 AM
"ears peaking through hair softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea." The good stuff of love poems. If only the rest matched it.
Re: We Have Never Spoken by fevriere	27-Jun-05/12:54 PM
I seems you're describing old age, not in years, but attitude. Then I come the lead piping and don't see how that relates. I like verse 2. Then in verse 3, the lesson seems forgotten. I think it's a glimps that might stick with the two youngun's
Re: The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	27-Jun-05/12:58 PM
It's hard to do a treatise in a villanelle. Stories work better. Here, I think that for the sake of form, you have diminished the value of intellect way too much.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Jun-05/1:03 PM
This is completely silly. Its the kind of Dutch thinking that must have traded Amsterdam for New York, all for the love of tulips.
Re: The Edge Of The World by kingfisher	27-Jun-05/1:14 PM
I can see the picture, "the end of the globe," but could have seen it more clearly and forcefully with fewer words. "numinous sight to be seen," for example, could be "numinous sight." and "to disappear into oblivion" is the same as to disappear. "Seemed" is misspelled. Metanoia? The ending could be made better, I think, that is if I see what you mean.
Re: To Whom I Have Not Long Written by MacFrantic	27-Jun-05/9:12 PM
The opening line is off-putting because of the obvious answer.
Re: WHAT KIND OF FOOL ARE YOU? by Joshua_Tree	28-Jun-05/10:17 AM
Provoking, and therefore good. I think the fools in Verse 3 are most to be pitied. The last line of verse 1 seems like it should say something like "Then finding . . ." Verse 4, line 2 seems wrong or unnecessary.
Re: RAGGED TIME MELODY by Joshua_Tree	28-Jun-05/10:22 AM
A song with bad words, tune, and beat is a bad song. Let's hope you're singing a good song about a bad song.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Jun-05/10:28 AM
Good arch of life poem. "Coaling" I don't think is right. Maybe he worked in a coal mine. Is that why his face was black? I like CS Lewis.
Re: The blue rose by Mona Lisa	28-Jun-05/10:33 AM
Perhaps a prose poem, but not even that. It's a short story, and not a bad one.
Re: fireflies die too by hendrimike	28-Jun-05/10:42 AM
I like the flow and feel of this, but it has glitches and cliches, like "jubilent joy" and "what the world learned."
Re: Try Thinking Too by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	30-Jun-05/8:00 AM
So she has a glossy coat of passion covering mangy skin of unintelligence. Sounds like a passionate way of saying it.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jun-05/8:10 AM
A good showing of the importance of moments, a second that counts more than a year.
Re: Uncorked by impert&ent	30-Jun-05/3:59 PM
Go home alone? The ending is weak if all you mean is that you unscrewed a bottle cap.
Re: My Little Africa (edit) by Nuit	1-Jul-05/4:05 PM
illution - us a spell checker. I think the voice of the first verse could be carried through to greater effect. Toward the end it get whiney and loses impact.
Re: it's okay to cry, idiot by calliope	1-Jul-05/4:08 PM
"idiot" in the title detracts. Line 2 could be left out without loss.
Re: Uncorked by impert&ent	2-Jul-05/6:18 AM
You have totally changed the poem and called it an edit. I think it's better to post a new poem. Anyway, this depends on a reader's knowledge of allusions. Maybe it means something to someone else.
Re: What's my favorite scar. by darby pyn	2-Jul-05/6:25 AM
I'd like it better with good punctuation and complete sentences and line breaks at meaningful locations. As is, you can know if a man's a guitar player by feeling the tips of his fingers on the left hand. And I can see from the last lines you're angry. But I think it would be stronger with fewer words.
Re: Crack baby by Caducus	4-Jul-05/10:42 AM
I often wish to write as metaphoric and imaginative as you, and often wish you would do it less for clarity's sake. Here I think you have a pretty good balance. But shouldn't it be "disconnected from skin by scissors"? The first three verses are good, but the last leaves some untapped drama or its clouded in image. It seems the last line could come up so it applies to Mummy and end with the zip code of granite.
Re: A Place by Celtic	4-Jul-05/10:48 AM
"hollowed out trees" If it has a deeper meaning, I missed it.