poemranker ::Submit by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Pimple № 127844

Submit

by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk

Member since 2005 · Posted 25 Jun 2005 · 5 comments

She gracefully walks. A disciplined bearing, she floats across the square. sublimity in sneakers glides into my presence. her face delights in her smile. her eyes hold me. An elegant neck half-turned their ally. eyes shining, ears peaking through hair softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea. if I told her every day for a year, would she know I'm at her feet?

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.33 weighted 5.04 rank 7079 views 215 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

5 comments

[7] Dovina 25-Jun-05/7:23 AM Reply
"ears peaking through hair
softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea."

The good stuff of love poems. If only the rest matched it.
[6] deleted user 25-Jun-05/12:44 PM Reply
>>softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea.<<
...Where?
Unless some subtle joke escapes me?

There are nice moments, like line 3 and 4 and 8. But this really calls for good metrics, line 6 jars in that respect. And I don't like the frequent grindings to a halt.
[n/a] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk › deleted user 25-Jun-05/2:18 PM Reply
I spent four days in a town next to the Great Orme headland named Llandudno. I recall walking on the stony beaches after 'gentlmen, time please' was called at the bar. The night was soft and relaxing, and the girl was too. I don't remember HER name, but I do remember the sound of the birds on the headland calling into the night.
[n/a] zodiac › Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 26-Jun-05/2:48 AM Reply
Are you Stephen Daedalus?
[n/a] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk › zodiac 26-Jun-05/1:29 PM Reply
No, but i've been to Ireland, and my brother's name is James, and my best friend's mother's name is Joyce.