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Submit (Pimple) by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
She gracefully walks. A disciplined bearing, she floats across the square. sublimity in sneakers glides into my presence. her face delights in her smile. her eyes hold me. An elegant neck half-turned their ally. eyes shining, ears peaking through hair softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea. if I told her every day for a year, would she know I'm at her feet?

Up the ladder: nonsense
Down the ladder: A Fine Thread

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Weighted score: 5.0397344
Overall Rank: 7164
Posted: June 25, 2005 2:16 AM PDT; Last modified: June 25, 2005 2:16 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 25-Jun-05/7:23 AM | Reply
"ears peaking through hair
softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea."

The good stuff of love poems. If only the rest matched it.
[6] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 | 25-Jun-05/12:44 PM | Reply
>>softer than a night in Wales on the Irish Sea.<<
...Where?
Unless some subtle joke escapes me?

There are nice moments, like line 3 and 4 and 8. But this really calls for good metrics, line 6 jars in that respect. And I don't like the frequent grindings to a halt.
[n/a] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 69.231.22.69 > deleted user | 25-Jun-05/2:18 PM | Reply
I spent four days in a town next to the Great Orme headland named Llandudno. I recall walking on the stony beaches after 'gentlmen, time please' was called at the bar. The night was soft and relaxing, and the girl was too. I don't remember HER name, but I do remember the sound of the birds on the headland calling into the night.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > Bankrupt_Word_Clerk | 26-Jun-05/2:48 AM | Reply
Are you Stephen Daedalus?
[n/a] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 69.231.22.69 > zodiac | 26-Jun-05/1:29 PM | Reply
No, but i've been to Ireland, and my brother's name is James, and my best friend's mother's name is Joyce.
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