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Crack baby (Free verse) by Caducus
I was born blue disconnected from skin by scissors connected to tape and tubes kicking in a see through cot crying at the cleanliness of ghosts. I was born blue From a seeded fruit To a rotten core where umbilical machines choked me with oxygen so I could breathe and mirrors could be looked at by pristine womb assassins. I was born blue, Blinded and brain dead From a furnace of spoons As Mummy was eating for none And shooting for two. I died grey Needing a fix. Mummy found rehab, God and a crucifix, Hiding highs in foil At the bottom of cisterns, As I was buried low Beneath an unnamed grave In a zip code of granite The wombs of the damned.

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 01
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.. 10
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.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.4
Weighted score: 5.166884
Overall Rank: 5002
Posted: July 3, 2005 1:12 AM PDT; Last modified: July 7, 2005 7:10 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Craychus @ 164.78.252.56 | 3-Jul-05/8:03 PM | Reply
I really like how cold you make birth feel in this poem. a somewhat recycled feel. like a tired soul being reused to birth an inadequate baby. the images come in chilling shards. the ending was like poison, a gentle deadly surprise. i didn't expect the poem to touch on death in the end. thank you for sharing.
[8] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 4-Jul-05/10:42 AM | Reply
I often wish to write as metaphoric and imaginative as you, and often wish you would do it less for clarity's sake. Here I think you have a pretty good balance. But shouldn't it be "disconnected from skin by scissors"?

The first three verses are good, but the last leaves some untapped drama or its clouded in image. It seems the last line could come up so it applies to Mummy and end with the zip code of granite.
[8] Bluemonkey @ 170.141.68.99 | 6-Jul-05/8:30 AM | Reply
Ahh, drugs. super. Ever seen a crack baby? ghastly.
[n/a] Lenore @ 64.252.101.156 | 6-Jul-05/10:04 AM | Reply
Fix line 2 and this is a 10.
[n/a] Caducus @ 172.202.228.131 | 7-Jul-05/7:10 AM | Reply
FIXED !
[8] keatsImnot @ 193.117.108.69 | 7-Jul-05/7:54 AM | Reply
Some great lines "seeded fruit and rotten core"
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