Re: The Dark by cyan9	6-Dec-05/2:01 PM
Very dark indeed. Fear = sanity? Terror = delivery? The semicolon and colon seem unnecessary.
Re: YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	6-Dec-05/7:31 PM
It’s not strictly paradelle, which has only four stanzas compared to your eight. Nor does your last stanza contain all of the words in the above stanzas. Nor is it two paradelles, because the fourth stanza does not contain all the words in the above four. Still, it’s a good poem and holds the thoughts together in spite of a very constraining form. It is certainly better than http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=107380 where I mock Billy Collins, the French, and other sticklers to form.
Re: Better Off Dead by wilco	7-Dec-05/3:57 PM
It has a lot of good images and lines, but the comfort of logic is mostly lacking, at least for me. Don't get me wrong, the thing doesn't have to add up to be good, it just does more for me if I find answers to questions like, How is she saved from how life ends up when you’re all alone?
Re: no title by candaliesa	9-Dec-05/11:29 AM
I think it's best to post your recent work rather than something from 2002. Hopefully, since then you've got your grammar straighter and learned to reduce the number of cliches.
Re: Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	9-Dec-05/12:02 PM
The blacksmith metaphor starts off well, then switches to a lightning/rain metaphor. Suddenly we see a murder where little stories vent to peace (suggesting the title) and ending with a pleasant scene. Then, in the last verse, he seems to reform. Just thought you might like to trace my thought patterns as I read it.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Dec-05/6:44 PM
It's hard to know if you're serious or joking. Leave it that way. My only complaint is the old English "thee" and "doth." They don't fit the rest of the poem.
Re: The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta	10-Dec-05/10:41 AM
Dear Amanda, I appreciate the faith of people like you who see an an accident like a spill from a bike and ask only, "what the plan Of God was, through my accident." Then, after reviewing Jusus' suffering, conclude, "This makes me see His love for me." I wish you had left it at that and not included the admonitions in the last three verses. Those of us less gifted in faith, we of little faith, may wish for the contentment of knowing "The Holy Spirit spoke so well" but are stuck in a cycle of wonder at the apparent laxness of God in some situations compared to His apparent goodness in others.
Re: Hope by sliver	10-Dec-05/3:27 PM
I've seen that ribbon of ski tracks in the snow and it's said that somebody else is lost too or just maybe somebody knows something I don't. The first verse says it's metaphoric, but the first verse is weak. I like the rest.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Dec-05/12:59 PM
I think some punctuation would help all three versioins: Breathless, whispered urgently part pleading, part command I like No. 2
Re: Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears	11-Dec-05/2:32 PM
Some good images here, even if seemingly separate from any theme. I fail to see entropy, other than in the title.
Re: donuts and such by skaskowski	11-Dec-05/2:41 PM
I was with you until "bedposts."
Re: War (edit) by zodiac	12-Dec-05/3:01 PM
When you start by calling her Girlie, I immediatly assume its going to be a put-down of her. And I was not disappointed. I think it would be stronger if we were not given that assumption up front.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Dec-05/3:04 PM
This goes great at Christmas time when most of us have a few kin we'd rather not see, but must. Many ways could I fill in the blank.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Dec-05/3:09 PM
She greatly impressed you, did she? I think "woke" isn't right, "lives"? I dunno.
Re: Towards the Sun or The keeper of the bay they call a pond by somemorepoetry	12-Dec-05/3:12 PM
nice
Re: Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy	13-Dec-05/9:58 AM
Why must you entertain us with such lyrical,but unintelligible talk? Can you not speak Ordinary sometimes? Iget only inklings of what you mean.
Re: CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	13-Dec-05/10:02 AM
I understand that you wish to share your Christian faith. I wish you would give it a little more thought before writing though. Most of these lines are trite. May I suggest reading CS Lewis, "Mere Christianity" for ideas on how to make your beliefs more digestable.
Re: You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet	13-Dec-05/3:44 PM
If you wish to debate zodiac, and I must admit he's strangly nonsensical game sometimes, please do not do it by posting a "poem." I gave you a 0, not because your areguments are bad (They are pretty good) but because it is not a poem. Thanks for listening.
Re: Static by wilco	13-Dec-05/6:23 PM
The cigarettes will not likely burn the exits, unless you mean they will burn exits (leave out the "the"). Isn't it too late after exits are burned to change our habits? Maybe, "because we never changed our habits."
Re: The Cowardice of Francis Evans by Caducus	15-Dec-05/1:40 PM
I like the first two lines. In winter, all that lives is not necessarily green. "The sun has risen to fall" When it changes from description to story in S3, it feel like the start of a new poem.