Re: Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	31-Oct-06/10:54 AM
Fare price, as in a ticket to Heaven, is meant, I presume, as criticism of the church for wanting money for such passage. It's acommon theme, and not too well presented here. I'd rather see a juxteposition of "fare" and "fair."
Re: Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	31-Oct-06/10:57 AM
Another criticism of Christian hypocricy, and fairly well stated. Ironically, one of Jesus' major complaints with the "church" of his day was hypocricy.
Re: Suburban Spleen by Sasha	31-Oct-06/10:59 AM
Yes, a familiar sentiment. Spleen in the title is a correct usage, but an uncommon one; maybe another word. Welcome back.
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	1-Nov-06/10:30 AM
If male, you show inordinate female understanding in the first stanza. "sadder wiser beers, drank locked behind playgrounds" says a lot. Stanza 2 blows it mostly, first with the nondescript salutation to Burundi, then the periods in UFO. And how is that related to the excellent start?
Re: Footsteps by MacFrantic	3-Nov-06/1:17 PM
The sound is poetry. Maybe that's all that matters.
Re: heyyyyyy alligator by hottttwindnie	3-Nov-06/1:18 PM
"rhyming is hard" - Wrong!
Re: Dovina & Co by amanda_dcosta	11-Nov-06/12:25 PM
If a Company can have a heart, then its eyes can have despair, and you can look there and say, "It will survive." Some eyes have faith, others hope, others love. And you know which is greatest.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Nov-06/12:37 PM
What tripe! Dull! :( And "insult to injury" !!! Why not say "hanky panky" while you're at it.
Re: Accusation by INTRANSIT	11-Nov-06/12:44 PM
Yes, poor poor man. He has no choice, always accused for what he is. Cut him up, girls; each take a piece. Really, this says it quite well.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Nov-06/12:48 PM
Since you're writing a philosophical position or hypothesis or devotion, a thing I am often accused of, I'll tell you what they invariably tell me Use poetry! Forget the discourse. Just tell them where to go.
Re: I always Win by InWonderLand	11-Nov-06/12:50 PM
Do you think switching upper and lower case is cute? It's not. This needs more thought about what it says.
Re: forgotten by the indign	11-Nov-06/1:21 PM
Cut out half the words for starters. Then see if there's some intresting way to way it.
Re: POT OF THE POET by stevopoet	11-Nov-06/1:31 PM
It's a lot of words about poetry strung together withour much of a point. I suppose it's clever, but not very.
Re: In a Church by Sasha	11-Nov-06/1:47 PM
It's a good poem, I suppose, at least a good poem in translation. Couldn't you improve the meter though, and not lose the meaning. i.e.: Star candles in the people’s hands, a bit of tallow for Madonna. Each a gift, a silent prayer, a secret keeping holy honor.
Re: Mind of One by justjay	11-Nov-06/1:52 PM
This has potential, but think about "Spinning around in circles that no one has ever imagined." What does it really mean? is it true? Does it really add anything to your theme? Also consider the grammar throughout; is it better to follow the rules?
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Nov-06/2:09 PM
Sorry, I only meant to devastate your vestigial manhood. It seems that in addition I've scared the crap out of you.
Re: Improvisation by MacFrantic	19-Nov-06/2:08 PM
A splended path is not so bad, even a rcky path. Wh cares where it leads.
Re: Though I m lost, Love is not by Prince of Void	19-Nov-06/2:11 PM
Illusions are not so bad, even beat reality much of the time. Why imagine agonies?
Re: In sickness and in health by Schlinkey	20-Nov-06/5:01 PM
Pure and Vile must be their names. It seems the "sickness" theme should be developed, perhaps in relation to Vile.
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	24-Nov-06/9:30 AM
It has a nice rhythm and a wistful playfulness. "the world without a doubt, as she" could lose "as she" "love unfolds" "of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" seems off rhytrhm. "pines" for consistency. "skip to its tune" is off-grammar, but "skipping" would be off-rhythm.