Re: Ransom by windyone	19-May-05/9:09 AM
Where does the ransom come into it?
Re: a comment on AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	10-May-05/9:59 AM
And more unwanted children are passed on between straight partners. Weird innit?
Re: thoughts by not_a_philosopher	22-Apr-05/2:22 AM
Then why don't you write them down?
Re: Baggage (3rd ending) by INTRANSIT	22-Apr-05/2:19 AM
Really good stuff. I like the 'why chromosomes' pun. This short and sharp. Top marks, my friend.
Re: believing by whispern_smoke_wisp	16-Apr-05/5:07 AM
This is the most egregiously simple-minded philosophy I have ever read in my whole life. Apart from the grafitti on the toilet wall that says 'I didn't write this'. But that's beside the point. The point is that as soon as we all agreed to believe in this supreme power, we'd all then start to argue about what it looked like, what sex it was, what it actually did... adn then, hey presto! We have the last 6000 years of history ALL OVER AGAIN. I think I'll pass on that thanks. And at the same time, I'll pass on this poem, which isn't so much a poem as a mis-spelled, unrhythmical and ultimately whimsical bit of cracker-barrel wiseacreliness. Listen to Zodiac.
Re: Thanks again by Everyone	16-Apr-05/5:00 AM
I feel as if I've stumbled into the middle of a private conversation. How embarrassing.
Re: The Layer of Black by emilyowey	16-Apr-05/4:59 AM
This is powerful and I know exactly what you mean. Come out and spill whatever you have to! But I like this.
Re: Freedom by shadows	16-Apr-05/4:48 AM
Are you a fascist?No, really?
Re: Dancing by not_a_philosopher	16-Apr-05/4:44 AM
Not a philosopher. Or a poet.
Re: Requiem for Faith by James Rykelangeli	16-Apr-05/4:19 AM
I would like to see this in a stricter form. At the moment this is over-blown and doesn't carry the feeling throughout the verbiage. It's also a prfoundly pretentious title - 'requiem' is a word that has become too often used by newscasters and Hollywood films to the point where it is now just a load of puff. However, there are some really good observations.
Re: wonder by the_poetess	16-Apr-05/4:14 AM
Wonder is not a synonym for idiocy, gullibility and wiful anti-rationalism. The fact that we have evolved into organisms intelligent enough to ask these questions - isn't that wonderful enough? And it's called astral projection anyway.
Re: a comment on Potential by Christof	13-Apr-05/3:41 AM
Well, you can never please everybody. But I think slackened is right -the arrow is not being drawn back to be fired, but is being allowed to rest, so that would mean a slackening of the bowstring. It makes the initial 'drawn back' rather paradoxical, suggesting the movement although it doesn't happen in the end. You're right about 'loosed' though - 'pitched' was better, like Hopkins' 'pitched beyond pitch of grief' (pang of grief? Can't remember). Anyhow, this will be the final revision. I can't stand it anymore. Pah!
Re: a comment on Potential by Christof	13-Apr-05/1:57 AM
I've done some revision - please tell me what you think. Thanks for your feedback, it has been very useful.
Re: a comment on Potential by Christof	12-Apr-05/7:07 AM
Interesting - I like the tension created by the fact that 'let' could be present or past while 'found' and 'spent' tie it to the past. Do you find that ambivalence a hindrance? Similarly, I like the tension caused by the repetition of 'drawn back', hoping it prolongs the action in the imagination - perhaps this is not the case in practice. Thanks for your comments.
Re: Come off with me Carly back into the city by zodiac	3-Sep-04/8:36 AM
That is a very smooth performance hiding a heavy wieght of emotion. That's really great. And it sounds beautiful too.
Re: My Own World War by shit	3-Sep-04/8:31 AM
The metaphor is completely overworked and the relation of the World war, Hitler, Goebbels etc. to yourself is so unbelievably narcissistic and self-indulgent that it makes me rather angry. Who do you think you are? Jesus, have some perspective. Moreover, this is illiterate- 'It has began'? And that's only line 2. Add into that the lumpy graceless metre and this is terrible.
Re: Two Basic Forces by dougsoderstrom	3-Sep-04/8:27 AM
More a pensee than a poem. Worth saying though. A hint of Nietzsche.
Re: A Flower for Monet by Shuushin	3-Sep-04/8:21 AM
Despite a certain fey quality, very good.
Re: a comment on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer	3-Sep-04/2:32 AM
'you need to search' - sorry, my typing fingers are a bit tired at this time in the morning!
Re: a comment on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer	3-Sep-04/2:30 AM
I think yiu need to dearch for what Eliot called the 'objective correlative' - that image, character, object, phrase on whcih you can hang your thoughts. It's not enough to write just as the thoughts come to you. You have to do something to crystallise it, to make it feel real to your reader. Otherwise there is a danger of drivelling off up blind alleyways. Essentially, Eliot wrote this very same poem when he wrote 'The Love Song of J. Alfred prufrock' and it's sublime because he sank his own fears into those of his character; he stood back and crafted his verse; he didn't just let it flow. You could do that, too.