Re: Travails of one decade by Prince of Void	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	3-Dec-07/12:17 AM
Less telling and more showing. I don't really see what this poem is trying to say...
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	2-Dec-07/1:35 PM
Nice flow, the first line doesn't work for me though, same goes for the last stanza...
Re: Home coming of her love by Jessina	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	2-Dec-07/1:29 PM
Lately, thanks to Superbad, anytime I see the word "coming" I'm brought to that conversation in the bar with those silly cops and McLovin. Just wanted to share, and doesn't Poemranker remind you a little bit of show in tell back in elementary school?
Re: Home coming of her love by Jessina	amanda_dcosta 61.17.22.231	2-Dec-07/10:02 AM
Hmmm... Jessina, Here are a few things I would take note of.... avoiding the 'ing' form of the words, like beginning with Sighing. For eg. ... just a suggestion, She sighs profoundly and saunters Down the corridor of her chamber. Her movement was slow Like a weary itinerant. Lost in a world of sheeer gloom, She lounges restively on stairs so plume Quivers in hoary morn And clinches her ruddy coverlet. There seems to be a slight conflict in tenses.... for which you have to be careful about. But, nice choice of words.
Re: Missing - You by Skamper	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	1-Dec-07/10:34 PM
Nice flow.
Re: Before Dawn by Christof	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	1-Dec-07/10:30 PM
I'm sure there are more accurate adjectives for a teenage boy's bedsheets, but 9 for you.
Re: Over the Horizon by Miggy	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	1-Dec-07/10:27 PM
Sounds like a country song, I hate country songs.
Re: Easter Egg Hunt by Dovina	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	1-Dec-07/10:26 PM
So what you're saying is that God looks down on the brightest of humans like we look down on rotary telephones?
Re: A bereaved search by liya	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	1-Dec-07/10:20 PM
Good rhyming, and I guess form counts for something.
Re: Uptown spell! by liya	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	1-Dec-07/10:18 PM
I'm sorry for the shabby rating but this poem is just not my thing
Re: Engine Braking by INTRANSIT	Dark Angle 70.181.103.149	1-Dec-07/10:08 PM
Not bad, good imagery, puts me there in the conductor chair (?)... but leaves me a little confused about why I'm reading this.
Re: Easter Egg Hunt by Dovina	Dental Panic 87.209.75.3	29-Nov-07/6:14 AM
While freestrolling through comments here and there, I read a line of yours, going something like: did I see you in Kansas, staring at daisies? Maybe you should try to write more by accident - this is one big deliberate bulk.
Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT	Dental Panic 87.209.75.3	29-Nov-07/5:57 AM
the sound effects make it an infant thing - don't know if that's intentional. It's wasted on me, that's for sure. I like the cat though. prrrr prrrrrrrrrrr
Re: Easter Egg Hunt by Dovina	Skamper 58.171.149.205	29-Nov-07/3:32 AM
I wish I could understand this, but the language is out of my reach. :(
Re: a comment on Missing - You by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.134.49	29-Nov-07/3:20 AM
Iv'e been messing about with this one Dovina, to get the last stanza working as I see it, to no avail. I might leave it for a bit and see if anything shows up later. The rain/sane has bearing though - we are both a little unstable and we met in the rain...ah! so romantic, a couple of soggy fruit loops :)
Re: a comment on Missing - You by Skamper	Skamper 58.171.226.173	29-Nov-07/3:15 AM
I know it's such an overused phrase - too easy yeah?
Re: Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT	Dovina 75.82.99.11	27-Nov-07/8:58 PM
Scratch the "and" in Verse 1. I like "quarterback of the linear team." Space after the comma in Verse 3. Last line is provocative.
Re: Again with the venting by hobojo	Dovina 75.82.99.11	27-Nov-07/8:54 PM
The last verse is quite good I think. It's the summation of most complaints. But we all know that "just and even" never happens.
Re: The Monogamous by Sasha	Dovina 75.82.99.11	27-Nov-07/8:50 PM
I like it a lot. Would scratch the parentheses and the colon though.
Re: Missing - You by Skamper	Dovina 75.82.99.11	27-Nov-07/8:43 PM
It has a good rhythm and a good subtle message. Would be nice if the Word 2 pattern continued: little, quiet, secret, . . . rain/sane rhyme seems a bit forced. Verse 2 is my favorite. The last line is disappointing and vague, seems unsupported.