Re: a comment on Impeccable mess by sk8rs_rule_all	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	18-Jun-05/10:48 AM
You really believe you've turned the text into a poem, Zodiac? You made reading easier, that's all. It's still a pile of boring platitudes. 'I reach for the rope, you pull me through', jesus.
Re: The And women by INTRANSIT	Mr Pig 213.122.71.246	18-Jun-05/10:31 AM
hot diggity dog its bloody fantastic. 6th stanza good golly.
Re: a comment on the ten two eight tide by Mr Pig	Mr Pig 213.122.71.246	18-Jun-05/10:29 AM
Bless you my lad one thought it lacked a slight va va voom but I'm so tired from these blasted painkillers for my hernia that i simply havent the gusto for poetic feats.
Re: the ten two eight tide by Mr Pig	INTRANSIT 204.110.227.157	18-Jun-05/10:24 AM
Howarya pig? This has such a great underlying rhythm that I think it should be turned up just a notch. Give it a form I think it'll be fine.
Re: word splatter by nentwined	smiffy84 82.37.197.13	18-Jun-05/9:57 AM
Hmmmmm, i recal this poem in the Poetry Corner forum on www.braingell.com, why bother with the shower? Just hold your breath
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	zodiac 212.118.16.50	18-Jun-05/3:06 AM
And, *********PLAGIARISM ALERT*********** You don't seem to have gotten the point last time, lil_evil_boi (or seem to be unable to distinguish between things you've heard once and things you've invented yourself). You must go running to record companies all the time with some song you've written, only to find it's "Losing My Religion". Nentwined: Not that you need to, but google any line from any of these. The most egregious ones are actual bumper stickers.
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	zodiac 212.118.16.50	18-Jun-05/2:26 AM
These are the least naughty poems I've ever read.
Re: Eulogy for a Poet by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.16.50	18-Jun-05/2:06 AM
Poetry -------------------------- SLAM! Poetry Compare and contrast. (5 points)
Re: a comment on Sisyphus' wife by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	zodiac 212.118.16.50	18-Jun-05/2:05 AM
In case you were wondering and couldn't be bothered to check Miles Davis called the famous recording sessions Bitches Brew without an apostrophe. I'd say bitches' brew if I were you.
Re: a comment on Feed The War Machine by smiffy84	zodiac 212.118.16.50	18-Jun-05/1:17 AM
I agree with your first comment. I'm not so sure about the rest. Most of the armed forces (like in any time except during drafts) are probably lowerclass kids or kids who barely made it through highschool and thought, hey, I could make good money for a few years and come out with all these educational and employment opportunities and it's not like anyone's going to declare war in the next four years.
Re: a comment on Impeccable mess by sk8rs_rule_all	zodiac 212.118.16.50	18-Jun-05/1:15 AM
Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. Get back into my heart, for I have lost you. I have lost my love in this impeccable mess of mine. I've lost my spot in line, the line of life. Dont give up what you have to get back there. I gave up what I had, just to get back here. Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. I wont give up what I have to get back there again. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I was slipping into an abyss of love and anger, and lost my way. I reach for the rope looking for a way out, and you pulled me through. Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. Listen to your "friends" lying all around you, telling you things. They've ripped apart my heart, and have made you bleed out. You've bled yourself free of hate and anger. I was once torn, and you helped me. Better now? Took me two minutes. I could have fixed the grammar too in five. Please stop making the following assumptions: #1. Long-lined or prosy poems are more popular now than usual. #2. Long-lined or prosy poems are easier to write well than other poems. Instead, why not comment on how this poem uses the word "yesteryear" and is basically a soggy broomhead in a mushbucket of cliche?
Re: a comment on Unclean by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.16.50	18-Jun-05/12:56 AM
ADDENDUM: I talked to my wife about the poem, thinking that since she's a woman working with Muslim women alone (instead of Muslim women dealing with a man - me), she'd have a different and more accurate perspective on things. I hope you don't mind. She basically agreed with all my points, but added that she could imagine a situation where a raped woman would be given money and encouraged (or practically forced) by her family to move for her own safety somewhere anonymous and faraway, like the capital or America. This would be tantamount to being 'cast out of society' and the most disgraceful thing a woman here could imagine. However, she said the two options I named - returning to premarried status in her parents' house or being beaten to death - were the most likely, and emphasized that, outside of the liberal Mideast, the death option would be the most likely. Also, she mentioned that if this Muslim woman was in America or Europe, everything in this poem (including the beating by robbers, ironically!) would be more likely. Not that she'd be totally safe from killing; it's just that America and Europe have more robbers and rapists. I know - and knew - what you meant by "cast her out for Allah's good". You're on the righter track now, it seems.
Re: Feed The War Machine by smiffy84	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.129.182.174	17-Jun-05/11:47 PM
most generals I've seen (excluding Stormin' Norman) are not fat.. they are quite trim, in fact. We all have to die. Nobody makes anybody enlist in the armed services anymore. It's like saying "My life is not worth preserving" when you sign up.
Re: A limerick by smiffy84	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.129.182.174	17-Jun-05/11:43 PM
I think Joseph Smith was an idiot.
Re: word splatter by nentwined	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.129.182.174	17-Jun-05/11:39 PM
graphic
Re: a comment on word splatter by nentwined	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.129.182.174	17-Jun-05/11:39 PM
I think because she is covered in puke.
Re: a comment on missing pieces by mystic enoch	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.129.182.174	17-Jun-05/11:38 PM
well. step 1. Use a thesaurus. Broken -- busted -- wrecked -- bent -- bruised -- mangled -- tortured -- trashed --... but don't say.. "Its all broken. Now I must fix this broken thing." eww. yuck. and "it's all broken" is bad too. try.. "it's broken".. "You have crushed it now I must tend this mangled vessel." --
Re: a comment on When the muse calls. by darby pyn	darby pyn 207.200.116.197	17-Jun-05/11:09 PM
the original line was " necessary". I have problems with it also. thank you for your input.
Re: a comment on When the muse calls. by darby pyn	darby pyn 207.200.116.197	17-Jun-05/11:02 PM
Thank you dovina for your insight.
Re: Judgement by penguin fiend	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-Jun-05/8:14 PM
Leave "that" out of the second line and this is good.