Re: Make Love to Me by drumrgirl30	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-Jun-05/8:02 PM
Omit "so much" from Verse 3 and this is pretty good.
Re: A limerick by smiffy84	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/5:38 PM
We had a hippie painter here, quite famous for his four wives. They adored him for more than thirty years. So when, shortly before his death, he declared that the relationships were of a platonic nature, no one believed him.
Re: Feed The War Machine by smiffy84	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/5:33 PM
The only decent way left to treat a subject like this is going contrary and by heavy metaphoring. It's almost a lyric; I wonder how this would sound when sung by Bono. If he wanted to. And I don't think so.
Re: word splatter by nentwined	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-Jun-05/4:36 PM
What did she see that brought forth a welling of bile? Or is the bile figurative for what you saw? In either case - yuck - why the last line?
Re: a comment on missing pieces by mystic enoch	mystic enoch 216.76.254.34	17-Jun-05/4:35 PM
I look at the bad reviews more than the good. They tell me what I need to work on. Could you read my other poems and tell me how you feel about them? I want people to read my poetry and like it. If there is any doubt about my ability as a poet I would like to know. I am interested in your honest opinion of my work.
Re: word splatter by nentwined	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/3:48 PM
There was this news item about a student barfing over his teacher. Just exam nerves; the explanation he tossed around
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/1:45 PM
Of all the cries from pain some sound suspiciously like delight... I simply don't believe that some parts, like 4 and 9, are not classics. But it's fun reading. Exactly what this manic-depressive board needs.
Re: a comment on Special Place by untamed_fierce	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/1:38 PM
Sorry for my awful rhythm...
Re: Special Place by untamed_fierce	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/1:37 PM
>>Here I’ve been a dragon and an elf, I’ve been learned to be more myself.<< After this, I expected a stanza with: 'There, I've seen seas and mountains and bathed in cosmic fountains' In short, I expected some sort of contrast This subject can be so much more.
Re: When the muse calls. by darby pyn	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/1:13 PM
Something went wrong with the layout. Copied from the quoted part of an email? A pity, as the poem has elegance. I would reconsider the last line. Mainly because of >>demanded<<
Re: a comment on missing pieces by mystic enoch	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/1:03 PM
Ah, but do I disagree! This one is clumsier than the Joey poem, but the writer at least managed to break away from the dreary 'Boo-hoo-hoo, I love you, Why don't you love me too' mold. Even though only one line manages so: >>some of the pieces are missing!<<
Re: a comment on Confused Love by Damien	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	17-Jun-05/12:51 PM
This is the umpteenth try at the subject 'relationship & mutual incomprehension'. Sorry Damien, but I couldn't care less.
Re: Confused Love by Damien	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-Jun-05/12:30 PM
This is a good theme that could be a good poem. As it is you have an outline for a poem
Re: missing pieces by mystic enoch	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.125.60	17-Jun-05/12:24 PM
not as good as the JOEY one.
Re: For the love of joey(revised) by mystic enoch	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.125.60	17-Jun-05/12:23 PM
"for the love of you" is just bad. the genitive form of YOU is YOUR. "for your love" is a song by a reggae band (King Konga) a Country Artist (Chris LeDoux), and a classic sixties rock song (yardbirds). I even think Stevie Wonder sang a song titled For your Love. okay. bye.
Re: When the muse calls. by darby pyn	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-Jun-05/10:32 AM
Not a poem, but some good thoughts that could be made into a poem.
Re: Love by untamed_fierce	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-Jun-05/10:29 AM
rockmage is worng. Nevertheless, this is a weak or incomplete poem.
Re: Special Place by untamed_fierce	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-Jun-05/10:27 AM
It has such a nice rhythm that the lines which don't really stand out.
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	Dovina 69.175.32.185	17-Jun-05/10:25 AM
These are very funny! Did you write all of them; some seem familiar, but I'm not accusing you of anything, could be that they are just the kind of thing I've heard before.
Re: Love by untamed_fierce	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.18.186	17-Jun-05/12:46 AM
good start.. where are the other stanzas? I'll vote when you're done.