Re: RAGGED TIME MELODY by Joshua_Tree	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	28-Jun-05/7:27 AM
Thank you Zodiac, others, for your comments before. The exchange turned out to be a fruitful one for me. I hope that feeling is mutual.
Re: We Have Never Spoken by fevriere	Caducus 172.188.225.37	28-Jun-05/6:27 AM
It has promise but the rhyme is off.
Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina	Caducus 172.188.225.37	28-Jun-05/6:26 AM
I like it but the last 2 lines lack impact.
Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina	fevriere 62.254.128.7	28-Jun-05/6:04 AM
Is rockmage senile? Or just uninspiringly offensive? Anyways: I like this poem - thank God it's not another "women suck because they ignore me".. Yaowl. I was just wondering about the repetition of "hurt" and "hurts" - intentional? I don't like it but this could be unfounded dislike.
Re: a comment on We Have Never Spoken by fevriere	fevriere 62.254.128.7	28-Jun-05/6:00 AM
It's youth and arrogance, I think. The lead piping is a bit of an emotive, brutal, teenage response. What is the lsson of two? I thought it was just that while old age is impending, the speaker and their companion are "still young" ("I will.. go that way too.. but not before..").
Re: Hat of the Hare by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.29.36	28-Jun-05/1:10 AM
I couldn't figure it out.
Re: a comment on The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.29.36	28-Jun-05/12:58 AM
NO, I really didn't notice. Too caught up in myself, I suppose. But I noticed this one, and liked it more.
Re: a comment on fireflies die too by hendrimike	hendrimike 70.106.122.122	27-Jun-05/9:54 PM
thanks...wasn't sure
Re: To Whom I Have Not Long Written by MacFrantic	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/9:12 PM
The opening line is off-putting because of the obvious answer.
Re: a comment on The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.111	27-Jun-05/7:55 PM
You are quite probably correct, albeit it does to some extent depend on whose intellect is under discussion. How about The conscious mind ............... or The villanelle .................... It has been reworked a bit, I will look up the older ideas when I don't have to be somewhere at 6.30am (which is half an hour away.
Re: a comment on The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.111	27-Jun-05/7:51 PM
You mean you really didn't notice that the previous poem I posted was a villanelle as well? Oh dear.
Re: The Edge Of The World by kingfisher	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/1:14 PM
I can see the picture, "the end of the globe," but could have seen it more clearly and forcefully with fewer words. "numinous sight to be seen," for example, could be "numinous sight." and "to disappear into oblivion" is the same as to disappear. "Seemed" is misspelled. Metanoia? The ending could be made better, I think, that is if I see what you mean.
Re: The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/12:58 PM
It's hard to do a treatise in a villanelle. Stories work better. Here, I think that for the sake of form, you have diminished the value of intellect way too much.
Re: We Have Never Spoken by fevriere	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/12:54 PM
I seems you're describing old age, not in years, but attitude. Then I come the lead piping and don't see how that relates. I like verse 2. Then in verse 3, the lesson seems forgotten. I think it's a glimps that might stick with the two youngun's
Re: a comment on A Righteous Prayer by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/11:47 AM
I would not say these things in ordinary conversation. But as you should have realized, this is a prayer and uses the language of prayer. But it's not an ordinary prayer, rather a use of prayer language to say things that would not be properly understood if said in the language of conversation. I don't want to spill the whole thing, but try to look at it from the viewpoint of someone who truly prays, and compare what this poem is saying to what such a person might pray, using only slight variations in wording.
Re: a comment on Father’s Day by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	27-Jun-05/11:40 AM
As I tried to make you see earlier, this is not about what you say it is. Rahter it's about my use of the word "core" and the various menaings people have attached to it. Since the word is not defined in the way any of us are using it, it's not surprising to find many interpretations. That's a long way from saying "offensive untrue things about people." Are you now returning to your old offensive, word-twisting self?
Re: a comment on We by darby pyn	darby pyn 207.200.116.197	27-Jun-05/11:07 AM
you are so right. it was late when I wrote this. I don’t know what I was thinking. I give myself a zero.. wow.
Re: We by darby pyn	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.22.69	27-Jun-05/10:51 AM
bated means "to take away, subtract or lessen." The dictionary I opened also said it could mean "to flap the wings wildy." which did you mean?
Re: a comment on Gothic by zodiac	zodiac 213.186.188.206	27-Jun-05/3:28 AM
Q: Can you honestly claim you came here for real criticism and not just to have yourself stroked by adolescent clingers-on? A: No, because you're gay!
Re: The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	27-Jun-05/2:17 AM
I like this one. Rapped from between clenched teeth. >>such thoughts, as are by this made wise and deep<< The only line that made me stagger. Literally, I mean. The grammar seems rather forced to me.