Re: The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.22.69	27-Jun-05/12:23 AM
villanelles are hard work. I even had to look up how to write a villanelle to check to see if you wrote a villanelle. Which you did. Yikes.
Re: The Edge Of The World by kingfisher	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.33	26-Jun-05/10:27 PM
Prose yes, poem no, the language needs to be something extra for that.
Re: The Edge Of The World by kingfisher	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-Jun-05/7:43 PM
Reads like a description of a computergame. But the era's all wrong.
Re: a comment on Wholes: the year in reflection by impert&ent	impert&ent 82.46.129.23	26-Jun-05/4:53 PM
We might need to work on that then. I felt that the space developed by one wasn't quite as vital as that created by two. The dynamic is important. Do you dance alone?
Re: a comment on the space between by impert&ent	impert&ent 82.46.129.23	26-Jun-05/4:36 PM
Good idea! But what's the diacritic for a short inhalation, like the Danes do at the ends of sentences?
Re: a comment on Submit by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.22.69	26-Jun-05/1:29 PM
No, but i've been to Ireland, and my brother's name is James, and my best friend's mother's name is Joyce.
Re: a comment on FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX by andrew barnes	andrew barnes 80.195.91.12	26-Jun-05/12:42 PM
Fair comment I'll lose the "pulley" . Ta
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	matt door 172.134.144.92	26-Jun-05/11:46 AM
The first 14 lines sound like my 10 year old, spewing fourth awkward taunts - the rest is great.
Re: Gothic by zodiac	matt door 172.134.144.92	26-Jun-05/11:39 AM
yawn - like a third grader's rumination.
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	matt door 172.134.144.92	26-Jun-05/11:34 AM
Seems this site is still hollow rude and talentless! If you wallow in trivial shit - you'll always put fourth trivial shit. GROW UP!
Re: a comment on cup-cake by cpill	cpill 81.179.84.152	26-Jun-05/5:55 AM
You can lead a horse to water...
Re: a comment on Fillamayer! by smiffy84	smiffy84 82.3.32.76	26-Jun-05/4:12 AM
I know what you mean, and I do try to avoid messing with the structure of sentences as much as I can, but pobody's nerfect, and besides, if Shakespeare didn't see a problem with it, who am I to argue with him?
Re: Fillamayer! by smiffy84	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/3:10 AM
Not bad. But the best poemranker lay in the olden style is still this one: THE LAY OF KING BUMBLEMEAT Whither the meatly hats of yesterlunch? Whither the sausage helmets, the hammy porkpies, the berets Shimm'ring in sunlight, so meatly, All smelling sweetly Of honey and jelly-glaze? Whither King Bumfirst's hamhock, that bunched So gloriously on his ears as he rode that day Swinging his wet truncheon: To luncheon! To luncheon! So awfully, so embarassingly gay? Alas! No more the meat! Alas! No more those hats! The ham-fedoras flapping their silly brims among the leaves Of Bumwood! Lost completely Are those bright helms, so meatly, Collapsed with somewhat sickly splats On the tops of our Wellingtons (Beeves).
Re: Passion by gothiclovepoetiss	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/3:06 AM
Q: If you only felt like this because you'd heard love described in exactly the same terms God knows how many times, rather than - I don't know - somehow just spontaneously having this feeling, would you know? In other words, do your knees really, REALLY buckle? Please answer honestly.
Re: FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX by andrew barnes	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:59 AM
Change "jolting fatigue", "long- limbed pulley", and give the ending some punch. Very good, though. Have you been watching Dancing with the Stars?
Re: a comment on Submit by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:48 AM
Are you Stephen Daedalus?
Re: a comment on cup-cake by cpill	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:47 AM
Just for your information, for it to really be called 'felt', someone besides yourself has to feel it.
Re: a comment on Father’s Day by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:33 AM
Oh, I see. You see your role as poet to say offensive untrue things about people and then count on other people's being decent enough to say the right things in reaction. You're the Chris Rock of poetry.
Re: a comment on A Righteous Prayer by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:28 AM
I understood the punctuation as such. I still think it's messy. At the very least, "Grant now my petitions, for which I make claim" is horrendously overworded. And would you really, really say "I make claim for my petitions"? Would you really say "I've kept something with passion for religion"?
Re: a comment on Family by Sunshine Conkey	zodiac 212.118.19.91	26-Jun-05/2:21 AM
Sorry if I've gotten you wrong. There are two users running around this site calling you mom. Their poem-pages are here http://www.poemranker.com/user-browse.jsp?id=53851 and here http://www.poemranker.com/user-browse.jsp?id=53506. One of their poems starts "I killed a little boy to dance in his blood". Another goes "Some times I wonder If theres any hope For someone with so much HATE." There also used to be one about worshipping Hitler and killing Jews, but it's apparently been deleted. I sincerely hope your son in Iraq is doing okay. I live next door in the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan and think about the kids over there daily.