Re: No Aegis by wilco	ay deee 24.255.87.123	2-Oct-05/8:54 PM
i can see gulls becoming bored with corpses, but i don't see the devils here.
Re: False Reality by jlynnwall	wilco 66.61.101.130	2-Oct-05/8:26 PM
I like shades of drawn conclusions. Keep working on it.
Re: Through Your Eyes... by jlynnwall	wilco 66.61.101.130	2-Oct-05/8:25 PM
waaaay too much repetition.
Re: Why I’m Homeless by Dovina	wilco 66.61.101.130	2-Oct-05/8:18 PM
mmm...not your best, dear.
Re: a comment on The Play by Hadasl	wilco 66.61.101.130	2-Oct-05/8:17 PM
Clear ideas are overrated. I almost never have one when I write.
Re: After her storm (draft) by Caducus	wilco 66.61.101.130	2-Oct-05/8:13 PM
Lovely as always.
Re: The Play by Hadasl	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/5:13 PM
Spelling (reenact amends) and grammar (too many to mention) checks would help. mainly, I think a clear idea of what you want to say would be the biggest help.
Re: sick and demented by sk8boardandpoems	Hadasl 85.250.14.211	2-Oct-05/12:55 PM
It's good but for the beginning, middle and end.
Re: Fourteen Years by impert&ent	Hadasl 85.250.14.211	2-Oct-05/12:48 PM
'Sparkbrook' didn't do it for me. Liked the imagery, though they didn't seem to flow very well.
Re: What do u think i am! by T. Jonathron Remp	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/12:05 PM
The best part is "a deceitful pathway to empty noise." Zodiac is attracted to you in a spelling or spell-binding way.
Re: Without my Glasses by Niphredil	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/12:01 PM
Don't mind Zodiac, he's heat stricken over there in the Islamic sun. His grammar's gone kaput, and he thinks glasses will relieve his pain. As for your poem, I'm having trouble with how glasses affect streaks of white that you see, and haw you could see it any better with glasses, looking through the windowshade.
Re: a comment on The Last Suburb by some deleted user	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/11:50 AM
Dear Deleted User, You are clearly affected by your situation and our reaction here. Please take it less seriously, more as rebuttal to our own clobberings.
Re: a comment on Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/11:46 AM
Yes, that's what I'm saying. But of course you insist on non-metaphorical "reality." Start chomping!
Re: a comment on Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/11:43 AM
Out here in the land of fruit and nuts, we can read poetry every night of the week and usually have more than one from which get guff. Then we have the poetry workshops - more brutal still. And finally, the friendships with poets gone awry - that's the worst.
Re: a comment on A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/11:36 AM
That's because you always insist that a poet begin with a clear objective and end by imparting that, and only that, objective into the reader. Could it be that a good poem like this one has no clearly defined meaning or several tinkered-with meanings and that a reader might find still others? Personally, I see 9-11 and a jet crashing into where I once had lunch on the 117th floor of the south tower.
Re: a comment on Renewal by emilyowey	Dovina 12.104.106.3	2-Oct-05/11:31 AM
The ending of life should not be BOREphyling, should it? Ending well should be the goal, the final splash, the burst of color before a productive leaf hands it over to the tree and goes down to become another part of the tree.
Re: False Reality by jlynnwall	Tintagiles 207.179.148.21	2-Oct-05/10:50 AM
Unfinished indeed. Ask me again when it's done. And have a five, as it doesn't matter either way, which is the proper thing to do to drafts.
Re: a comment on Renewal by emilyowey	wilco 66.61.101.130	1-Oct-05/8:16 PM
Chlorophyl? More like BOREophyl. That said, a pretty goo poeme.
Re: Renewal by emilyowey	Dovina 66.65.135.95	1-Oct-05/5:57 PM
Nicely said. A leaf turning red is really the departing of green chlorophyl, I'm told.
Re: a comment on A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu	zodiac 86.108.14.15	1-Oct-05/7:09 AM
PS-Brilliant.