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No Aegis (Free verse) by wilco
We couldn’t see the forest so we cut down all the trees and increased line of sight into the cemetery seas. As everyone was watching, standing there upon the shore the gulls perched on the corpses left becoming such a bore. And simple lives there flaming, caryatids smoking shell while the souls of honest men inherit fathers’ forlorn wail. Closer now, the precipice to home and all held dear. Someone hail the foreman ‘cos there be devils here.

Up the ladder: Forest Rain

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.875
Weighted score: 5.7732067
Overall Rank: 1745
Posted: October 2, 2005 8:43 PM PDT; Last modified: October 2, 2005 8:43 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] ay deee @ 24.255.87.123 | 2-Oct-05/8:54 PM | Reply
i can see gulls becoming bored with corpses, but i don't see the devils here.
[n/a] wilco @ 66.61.101.130 > ay deee | 2-Oct-05/8:58 PM | Reply
The gulls most definitely are not becoming bored with the corpses.
[8] Dovina @ 12.104.106.3 | 3-Oct-05/4:40 AM | Reply
Hey, it starts off well and then tries to make the metaphoric turn, and bogs into some Tennessee swamp. Still, I see the process and believe it will work with a little more clarity.
[8] Niphredil @ 192.117.121.122 | 3-Oct-05/11:45 AM | Reply
I enjoyed reading your poem :-D it's intriguing. I think the third stanza could use a little work though.(perhaps clarification)?
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