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Sunrise On The Slag Heap (Free verse) by Caducus
Success is a haircut at Toni & Guy, A flute tongue for sales Is an orchestra of grief For the common man you robbed. Martyrs of the cause Walk with the 'black legs' high headed So they can buy Christmas Before it sells them to sharks. Armour grey skies rinsed their wrath Godiva like and pure A blitz of holy water Fell faster than a David sling On these cowering Goliaths. Hire a fifty year old man for minimum wage, Shake his callused hand And he will be good to you, He will sweat blood. Leave him to machines And he wont become one For he is principled And wont see his grand children Grow to be the whip cracker Who broke his back and heart. Industry Coventry Where davy lamp sunrises Shine on the slag heap With average Joe Hocking blood on black mountains, All for a dream he'll give his son Found on a different path He turned from coal to gold.


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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.2384057
Overall Rank: 4094
Posted: September 27, 2005 3:52 AM PDT; Last modified: September 27, 2005 7:42 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Dovina @ 216.153.142.11 | 28-Sep-05/5:37 AM | Reply
Good, and moves to a goal. The last few lines wrap it up nicely.
[10] zodiac @ 194.165.132.226 | 29-Sep-05/6:04 AM | Reply
I'm left wondering, have you ever read your poems aloud? ... to people? I haven't in years. I wonder if that explains a lot.
[n/a] Caducus @ 172.212.205.120 > zodiac | 29-Sep-05/8:05 AM | Reply
Their is an open mic poetry night at the tin angel pub in coventry which is cool but feel disillusioned by where poetry isn't going. I've accepted I'm flawed but think you can make a better point with some poetry read aloud, for instance it can be more moving, funny, and reactions can be gauged which can change you as a writer.

For national poetry day my city which is home to Phillip Larkin (Coventry) has not got a single worthy thing planned around poetry.

Time for anarchy - well its that or the polish working mens club reading with no teeth.

Where do you plan to go with your writing?
[9] wilco @ 66.61.101.130 > Caducus | 29-Sep-05/9:48 PM | Reply
Be thankful for where you are...Here in Memphis, poetry is pretty much just something like I killed a nigga and then raped his bitch and then I robbed some shit and then I killed a cop and did some more illegal shit.

pretty good stuff..
[n/a] Caducus @ 172.212.205.120 > wilco | 30-Sep-05/1:16 AM | Reply
We should twin cities.
[9] Dovina @ 12.104.106.3 > wilco | 2-Oct-05/11:43 AM | Reply
Out here in the land of fruit and nuts, we can read poetry every night of the week and usually have more than one from which get guff. Then we have the poetry workshops - more brutal still. And finally, the friendships with poets gone awry - that's the worst.
[10] zodiac @ 212.38.134.51 > Dovina | 3-Oct-05/4:28 AM | Reply
If I've said this once I've said it a quadrillion times: That's because language in California has evolved to the point that normal speech is considered poetic. Hence its reams and reams of godawful poetry.

No, seriously. Happy Ramadan as of sunset tomorrow.
[9] Dovina @ 12.104.106.3 > zodiac | 3-Oct-05/4:32 AM | Reply
I don't plan on celebrating Ramadan. Godawful poetry - yes.
[10] zodiac @ 212.38.134.51 > Dovina | 3-Oct-05/7:42 AM | Reply
Really? You should. Starve yourself all day, then sit down with the neighbors to a big platter of goat smothered in goat yoghurt at sunset. Round noonish everything has to stop because everyone's low-blood-sugared and fighting in the streets. It's a beautiful time. A family time. Do you know the US Army actually slows or entirely stops its attacks and bombings at Ramadan, out of respect for the fasting-crazed, weakened and moody populace? I find that simply wonderful.
[9] Dovina @ 12.104.106.3 > zodiac | 3-Oct-05/10:07 AM | Reply
All those Islamic events are such male-posturing insensitive guff. If they had any female soul, (and they do, but squelsh it in street fighting) there would be some sense of love and consideration in their celebrating.
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.19.67 > Dovina | 5-Oct-05/1:47 AM | Reply
You're so full of balls. Are you aware of how much you're making this shit up? I am.

PS-For bonus points (or at least a shot at redemption), name an American holiday with "female soul".
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