Re: Jesus, you I see by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Dec-05/2:26 AM
You should have noted that this was a lyric or hymn. My personal favorite hymn: I don't care if it rains or freezes as long as I got my plastic Jesus. Can I getta AMEN sista?
Re: YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Dec-05/2:19 AM
This poem looks like something the teacher made you write on the chalkboard for being bad. Exhausting.
Re: Thespian by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Dec-05/2:15 AM
I think what they're trying to say is that Haiku are so condensed that few people are skilled enough to make them work well. There's alot more to it than 3 lines with a 5-7-5 syllable pattern.
Re: The Dark by cyan9	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Dec-05/2:10 AM
A message similar the the end of the movie Jacob's Ladder. Sounds like an older poem of your's.
Re: YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/2:06 AM
What's up with all these capitalized titles?
Re: a comment on Thespian by BrandonW	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/2:05 AM
Yeah, okay. Now drop the periods in the first lines of stanzas 3 and 4, the commas in the second lines of stanzas 2 and 3, and rewrite all of this so it's as good as stanza 4.
Re: The Incubation by oneglove	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/2:01 AM
http://tinyurl.com/99u6v
Re: Irish Holliday by Dovina	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/1:46 AM
Sad.
Re: Irish Holliday by Dovina	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/1:45 AM
Bad.
Re: a comment on Snake in the Grass by thepinkbunnyofdoom	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/1:44 AM
By way of Jimmy Buffet's "Margaritaville". This is simply awful. Between this and Dovina's Hollidday poem, I'm wondering if there's any America left to come home to.
Re: Irish Holliday by Dovina	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/1:42 AM
Holiday. One L.
Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/1:40 AM
Paradelle? 'Billy Collins claimed that the paradelle was invented in eleventh century France, but he actually invented it himself to parody strict forms, particularly the villanelle. His sample paradelle, "Paradelle for Susan" (c1997), was intentionally terrible, completing the final stanza with the line "Darken the mountain, time and find was my into it was with to to". When Collins first published the paradelle, it was with the footnote "The paradelle is one of the more demanding French fixed forms, first appearing in the langue d'oc love poetry of the eleventh century. It is a poem of four six-line stanzas in which the first and second lines, as well as the third and fourth lines of the first three stanzas, must be identical. The fifth and sixth lines, which traditionally resolve these stanzas, must use all the words from the preceding lines and only those words. Similarly, the final stanza must use every word from all the preceding stanzas and only these words."'
Re: FIVE LOAVES AND TWO FISH by amanda_dcosta	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/1:36 AM
I had a problem with the first stanza, either because 1. it wasn't really desert then, 2. people are used to desert here (the place where this happened is about two hills over from where I'm sitting now), 3. although metaphorically it's cool, there's no biblical basis for them following him into the desert to the "extreme point of hunger", and/or 4. they're used to pretty extreme hunger. Odds are they were a couple hours walk from the next town (ie, no biggie in Middle Eastern terms) and didn't want to go back for food and miss the preacher. They surely knew they'd be back in their own houses by that night. That said, "The fringes of their deserts were strewn with broken faiths. It was significant that this wrack of fallen religions lay about the meeting of the desert and the sown. It pointed to the generation of all these creeds. They were assertions, not arguments; so they required a prophet to set them forth. The Arabs said there had been forty thousand prophets: we had record of at least some hundreds. None of them had been of the wilderness but their lives were after a pattern. Their birth set them in crowded places. An unintelligible passionate yearning drove them out into the desert. There they lived a greater or lesser time in meditation and physical abandonment; and thence they returned with their imagined message articulate, to preach it to their old, and now doubting, associates." - T.E. Lawrence
Re: Irish Holliday by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	5-Dec-05/10:25 PM
Shouldn't the last line go "Would he fit in the laundry?" Christmas in Bedrock. Wilma's suckin' Fred's cock. Betty's lickin' her cunt, Barney's fuckin' her butt, and Dino's sprayin'em with his eggnog. Merry Christmas Dov and Yabbadabbadoo. -10-
Re: Thespian by BrandonW	BrandonW 216.78.55.241	5-Dec-05/9:46 PM
If the haiku form limits the story... what about 4 of them?
Re: a comment on Shoebox Thoughts by BrandonW	BrandonW 216.78.55.241	5-Dec-05/9:12 PM
I think "quaintly demented" is a nice way to put it.. I hate that no one likes haikus! I don't know if it's just lack of talent or laziness.. but I write tons of the damn things!
Re: a comment on The Bus by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.99	5-Dec-05/5:35 PM
I do many evil acts, but retaliatioin voting is not one.
Re: Snake in the Grass by thepinkbunnyofdoom	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	5-Dec-05/3:25 PM
Answer the question at the bottom for me please: This is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much the dream guy that she was searching for that she fell in love with him immediately. However, she never asked for his name or number and afterward could not find anyone who knew who he was. A few days later the girl killed her own sister. Question: Why did she kill her sister?
Re: Snake in the Grass by thepinkbunnyofdoom	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Dec-05/1:54 PM
Is this to be sung to the tune of Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock & Roll"?
Re: YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	wilco 24.92.74.122	5-Dec-05/1:48 PM
What form is this? The repetition gets a little old (maybe just because there are so many stanzas...It's interesting and some of it is very pretty. I could stand to read a shorter version but I can live with it if you can. ;) Also, the title in all caps is a bit annoying...something of a no, no 'round here.