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Thespian (Haiku) by BrandonW You didn't make me.
You sure as hell let me though,
let me make believe.
Let me make believe.
There could really be something,
between you and me.
Between me and you.
I'm glad I found out so soon,
you were an actress.
You were an actress.
Who did not make me believe,
only make believe.
Up the ladder:
Live for Die for
Down the ladder:
Books
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8333335
Posted: December 5, 2005 9:44 PM PST; Last modified: December 5, 2005 9:44 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9551764 Overall Rank: 8732 Comments:
[n/a]
BrandonW @ 216.78.55.241
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5-Dec-05/9:46 PM
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Reply
If the haiku form limits the story... what about 4 of them?
[7]
zodiac @ 212.38.134.51
> BrandonW
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6-Dec-05/2:05 AM
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Reply
Yeah, okay. Now drop the periods in the first lines of stanzas 3 and 4, the commas in the second lines of stanzas 2 and 3, and rewrite all of this so it's as good as stanza 4.
I think what they're trying to say is that Haiku are so condensed that few people are skilled enough to make them work well. There's alot more to it than 3 lines with a 5-7-5 syllable pattern.
Poor, Im sure Ive read work by you that is much better than this. Im sure this represents something very emotional in your life, but the simplicity and lack of elegance makes me just not want to care. It adhears rigidly to some form or another to the cost of the piece.
But over all the negative comments it made since
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