cyan9
on The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta
8 Dec 2005, 5:33 AM
You have definately achieved something here, since the piece has mustered enough interest for me to read the whole of it, and there is a lot of it. The piece loses realism in places where it appears you are yearning to be christian and pandering to christianity with aspirational images based on christ. I am not saying that you are not a christian, but I am saying that it appears that you are trying to be a christian (perhaps unnecessarily)
Could be much better. Lackluster. Not really but its the kind of comment you leave on even the pieces of work of others that outshine this. Getting back to reality, this is an aimiable piece with good flow, the modern language could have made it seem unorigional and cliched were it not for the rich abstract imagery.
Its the kind of thing that I might think was really deep and amusing after 8-9 pints of Guiness
You've chosen in my mind the worst poetic form barring haiku's to present this, the form is so highly repetitive that I cant rate this poem for the skill that it takes to write such a beast, and can only condemn it for the chosen form (which has distracted me from the work even more in this case than is usual). When will people learn that nothing good can come of this evil.
But what would inspire a man to do all that?
I could knock a script up to do this, and get it to learn from the results relatively easily, then you could just copy and paste the piece. Either that or I could populate a dictionary, perhaps inserting whole poems at a time. In fact I might stick it on my website.
St Francis Xavier is exposed there, in his coffin.... at the Bom Jesus Church at Old Goa. We took a couple of snaps out there 4 days ago, though the lighting was poor....the whole area supposed to be plated with gold.
My style and choice of topics is typical of me. Reading the bible has always fascinated me, and always makes me wonder what it was like then, or how would it have been had i been there then. i'm a dreamer and thats what gets me going. Enjoy diving into my dreams........You might find some inspiration in there.
Sliver, that's a nice view, similar to what i'm on at the moment.
I'm asking Abraham what made him take Isaac up to be sacrificed.I know he was human, so just saying that he was a man of faith entirely doesn't convince me enought( though it does a bit), surely he was human enough to perhaps doubt for a split second, maybe.
I really just put that comment on here to remind me so that I don't forget.
Glad you like it.
The answers are there for you to determine yourself. I'm getting so tired of reading poems that give me all the answers.
actually, yeah..
It's not good, it's not bad...it's just mediocre.
I'm not real big on praise poems...I get why people do it..it's just not my cup of tea. Still, it's written pretty well.
On a related note, I really think people should log in before they give you a zero...just common fucking courtesy if you ask me.
It doesn't flow as well as It could (or maybe i'm just not reading it right). Maybe I just need to be Irish...or drunk...or both..
ewww..
This is probably the most poetic thing you've written. Change the nothing'll to nothing will and rework the last line. Also the 4th line could use a little tweak.
It's funny, lately my dreams have been lasting a lifetime. Long story. Now is not the time.
I especially liked the first stanza.