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Look Who's Talking (Villanelle) by OneFingerAnswer
God may listen but only the devil will preach As you listen with head hung low You can't hear god's silence over his speech Crashing on the dark and cragged beach The waves of his demons that won't let go God may listen but only the devil will preach Ever working on making the breach Satan ever working towards that final blow You can't hear god's silence over his speech What does god's patience teach? Only how to make losing slow God may listen but only the devil will preach Problems draining you like a leech Raise your head and let him know You can't hear god's silence over his speech Everyone's out of touch but with in reach Satan can help put on the grand show God may listen but only the devil will preach You can't hear god's silence over his speech


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Arithmetic Mean: 5.8333335
Weighted score: 5.6092153
Overall Rank: 2253
Posted: March 4, 2003 10:11 PM PST; Last modified: March 4, 2003 10:11 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154 | 4-Mar-03/11:54 PM | Reply
You know personaly i think you did well here.
Last stanza "within" i think would click better. Now, there is a bit of blah as far as the material involved goes (just my opinion i'm sure the bible belt would disagree) but that's the joy of poetry now isn't?
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 > Jeremi B. Handrinos | 5-Mar-03/1:15 AM | Reply
Yeah it should be with in but I don't think that's worthy of an edit. (I'm lazy.)

I'm glad you metioned the content because I want to get that out of the way early. This isn't about God and Satan as dieties or religious figures. Rather it's about "good" and "bad." One way I was taking it was the idea that good behavior doesn't attract much attention. I actually had one of my classmates from highschool in mind. He was a "good kid" and all through high school he was B/C average. Three days before graduation he ran himself into a tree in the car his parents had bought him as a graduation present. He lived through it even though he hadn't meant to. When I asked him why he did it he said "To be remembered." To be honest, I think it worked.
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 | 10-Dec-03/4:59 PM | Reply
Getting there...
[4] cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105 | 8-Dec-05/2:02 AM | Reply
You've chosen in my mind the worst poetic form barring haiku's to present this, the form is so highly repetitive that I cant rate this poem for the skill that it takes to write such a beast, and can only condemn it for the chosen form (which has distracted me from the work even more in this case than is usual). When will people learn that nothing good can come of this evil.
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