| Re: Do 20 always make this poem sense? by Prince of Void |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:20 AM |
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This poem does not make sense.
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| Re: They Knew Me From Adam by D. $ Fontera |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:17 AM |
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Lose some of the throwaway phrases and commentary - "But, of course, it is harder than you can imagine," "over, yet again," the last bit. Otherwise, nice.
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| Re: Reap by ecargo |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:14 AM |
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This is really great, biteme. My only suggestion: wreathe should be wreath.
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| Re: A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:13 AM |
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Good work, Amanda. I especially like the first and seventh verses (though "did be" should just be "were"). Nice.
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| Re: a comment on Reap by ecargo |
ecargo 172.159.125.225 |
16-Jan-06/5:32 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Green things by ecargo |
ecargo 172.159.125.225 |
16-Jan-06/5:23 PM |
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<waggles my fingers to z> Actually--a typo. It should be "we break like ice." You'd think I'd proof my own stuff, huh? ;-)
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| Re: a comment on Green things by ecargo |
ecargo 172.159.125.225 |
16-Jan-06/5:21 PM |
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Actually, I reverted to an earlier version. Hardly a major revision, by the way.
This has been kicking around in one form or another for ages, and I've never gotten it to a point that I liked. Probably past time to lay it to rest.
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| Re: A Haiku by amanda_dcosta |
richa 81.178.206.194 |
16-Jan-06/3:18 PM |
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This is a meta-ku if anything.
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| Re: Racism 2 by Dovina |
richa 81.178.206.194 |
16-Jan-06/3:14 PM |
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I gather this poem is about a white person who goes to a black inner-city and buys a greasy hot dog and liquor store stuff and is treated well by the black people. The black people would like when they visit the middle-class white person's town to be treated the same way but they are not. It is just not a very realistic scenario.
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| Re: Reckoning by <~> |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
16-Jan-06/9:54 AM |
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| Re: A SURREAL DEPREDATION! by anushree |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
16-Jan-06/9:42 AM |
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Sorry, but I am unable to connect with this poem. Phrases are good, but somehow it doesn't balance on the whole.
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| Re: THE NIGHT STAGE by anushree |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
16-Jan-06/9:36 AM |
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Not quite specific and structured as your previous piece. Somehow the punch is missing.
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| Re: Green things by ecargo |
<~> 167.206.181.179 |
16-Jan-06/9:35 AM |
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"none to straddle worlds or shoulder skies."
is a great line.
"We break us like ice;"
is unclear; what do you mean by this?
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| Re: A LOVERâS TORMENT by anushree |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
16-Jan-06/9:32 AM |
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Very beautifully worded. may be a bit forced, but on the whole you could justify your choice of words. Your presentation of the theme is what stands out. Good work.
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| Re: a comment on A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
16-Jan-06/9:26 AM |
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Alchemy, thanks a ton. Somehow, each time I think about her I feel I could go on writing and writing about her. She is the inspiration behind my dream as a poet, and probably someday she would probably smile her full smile when she sees my book published.
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| Re: Green things by ecargo |
Dovina 209.247.222.94 |
16-Jan-06/6:24 AM |
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I'd rather you did not delete the comments when you make a revision. If you make a major revision, like this one, it seems better to post it as a new poem.
Better than the first.
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| Re: Reap by ecargo |
Dovina 209.247.222.94 |
16-Jan-06/6:10 AM |
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I see a rural harvest time in a hollow, but miss the point, if it's more than that.
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| Re: A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
16-Jan-06/3:18 AM |
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You have validated her work in my opinion.
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| Re: A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
16-Jan-06/1:33 AM |
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This is a poem I wrote last year (21st Jan), while on the train, on my way to my Grandma's funeral. Her name is Pearl Heldt, and she was such a wonderful person to me and my family, and it was with deep sorrow and gratitude that I wrote this. You might find a lot of portions need editing, but I have kept it this way, unedited, due to the fact that I wrote it spontaneously, within 15 - 20 min. for her. All the same, critiques view is welcome. We will be celebrating her 1st death anniversary on the 20th Jan. May her soul rest in peace.
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| Re: a comment on Do 20 always make this poem sense? by Prince of Void |
zodiac 216.67.6.38 |
15-Jan-06/11:53 PM |
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Can you tell us what a line like "Do 20 always make this poem sense" means?
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