Re: You. by Sway	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	26-Jan-06/6:24 AM
Good but lose the rhymes or find better ones.
Re: Oblivion by Sway	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	26-Jan-06/4:56 AM
Good but common.
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	26-Jan-06/4:46 AM
Just the image of seeing a birch in winter that appears to be filled with pretty red leaves and then realizing they're a large flock of cardinals as they fly off.
Re: You. by Sway	drnick 24.176.22.254	25-Jan-06/11:33 PM
I like this.
Re: Oblivion by Sway	drnick 24.176.22.254	25-Jan-06/11:28 PM
nice imagery, fuckin beautiful.
Re: Upon Reading "Siddartha" by frahj	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/10:19 PM
It's very difficult to take this seriously.
Re: My Secret by Sway	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/10:11 PM
Get rid of the pronouns and the words ending in 'ing'. All at once a timid violet & an audacious sunflower. All at once a mixture of ideas & beliefs. ..... When did Psyche have to sort & sift seeds?
Re: The True Fate of Humpty Dumpty by Joe-joe	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/10:00 PM
The first parts well down, but then it kind of becomes nonsense. What happened to the sill in the first line?
Re: 52 card pickup (only a test) by crwncka1	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/9:56 PM
This is nutty. Nothing makes sense.
Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/9:44 PM
What have you been smokin'?
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	Dovina 17.255.240.138	25-Jan-06/9:15 PM
And can we know what they are?
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	ecargo 172.132.83.165	25-Jan-06/7:52 PM
amanda_dcosta: there are birches with red leaves, apparently--I was seeing it through my own geographical filter (where birches with red leaves would be unusual). Does it matter that it's precise, correct? That's for you to decide. For me? Depends on context and purpose--I don't mind poetic license for point or purpose or even effect, but if I read something as literal (I do, too often), then I like it to be pretty accurate. OTOH, I've "leafed" trees in birds, so who am I to judge?
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Jan-06/7:50 PM
What things appear to be and what they are can be different.
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Jan-06/7:38 PM
I'm glad you got it, after all, your poem inspired it.
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	ecargo 172.132.83.165	25-Jan-06/7:34 PM
No, I think I'm relieved. All those birds flew right over my poor pedantic, literal head and I thought I didn't see them.
Re: Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/7:34 PM
Uh... well there's certainly plenty of scenery. I've read this 3 times and i still don't know what it's talking about.
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	25-Jan-06/7:32 PM
Nope that's pretty much it. Just thought that was a neat image worth haikuing. Just the image of seeing a birch in winter that appears to be filled with pretty red leaves and then realizing they're a large flock of cardinals as they fly off. The image seems to lend itself to some symbolism the reader can make their own. I hope your not disappointed.
Re: The Heart of a Man by Queen of Tease	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/7:31 PM
Metaphors sweetie, metaphors. As sweet as... Thin like....etc. Also 'laid' rhymes enough with 'plain' that you don't need to use the word 'lain'. When i read that line I laughed, and that doesn't seem to be your intention. Also what does rhythm have to do with feeling emotions? If this poem is about something you have experienced then write about what happened to make you feel this way about him.
Re: Thinking by dancin_n_da_moonlite	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/7:22 PM
I not a fan of poems that reflect a thought directly. I wan't a story. Where's the story?
Re: Rain by dancin_n_da_moonlite	god'swife 71.103.98.44	25-Jan-06/7:21 PM
Looks are deceiving.