Re: Time by sk8rs_rule_all	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/9:19 AM
My suggestion is don't put anything in a poem if you've already heard it before. That pretty much covers all poems about "Time".
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	some deleted user 204.97.16.131	3-Feb-06/7:30 AM
Nice. I especially like "as a lily wins a bee."
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 67.72.98.89	3-Feb-06/7:16 AM
Line 2 has 8 beats. In the original it had the prescribed 7. "Whither" breaks the voice, I think.
Re: a comment on A Walk in the Park by Dovina	Dovina 67.72.98.89	3-Feb-06/7:14 AM
Asways happy when a man relates to this sort of thing. thanks.
Re: a comment on A Walk in the Park by Dovina	Dovina 67.72.98.89	3-Feb-06/7:13 AM
It's a girl thing, yes, but I was hoping the ending would give broader meaning. Thanks.
Re: a comment on A Walk in the Park by Dovina	Dovina 67.72.98.89	3-Feb-06/7:11 AM
It does take a strange turn in mid-poem. I almost left it at two verses, but thought it too girly cute.
Re: Time by sk8rs_rule_all	Dovina 67.72.98.89	3-Feb-06/7:09 AM
misspellings, cliche in the last line. Do yoy mean "if only I" in the redundent first line?
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	3-Feb-06/4:14 AM
Wonderful, stanza 2 in particular.
Re: Thinking by dancin_n_da_moonlite	Nicholas Jones 86.135.252.181	3-Feb-06/3:10 AM
The cheap comment would be to say that I wonder if you were you thinking when you wrote this poem. The pretentious comment would be wonder whether the notion of something 'actually' right implies a belief in an objective and unchanging moral system and so the piece is effectively a piece of neo-Kantian thought and so an attack on the relativism of post-structuralist discourse. The kind comment would be to say that it is an interesting idea but really requires further work. The honest would be that this isn't a bad poem as such, it's just rather simplisitc, doesn't really seem to do anything, and leaves me cold. Take your pick.
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	2-Feb-06/10:00 PM
Quite nice.... no, very nice. Probably I like it cause its feminine. Well written, and the ending strikes out well.
Re: a comment on For such is a child’s heart by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	2-Feb-06/9:53 PM
Somehow the sunshine isn't doing a good job. I might have to fire him. I'll give him a couple of day's notice and then find him a replacement. Anybody in mind to fill his seat? :-)
Re: a comment on The Book of Images by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	2-Feb-06/9:46 PM
It's okay to copy. Aren't we all copying someone or the other, as long as the collection is what you wanted in. That's where I point out that you have your say in what you want to put in - collect bits and pieces of others' work.
Re: a comment on The Book of Images by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	2-Feb-06/9:36 PM
You're waiting for Tarzan, I presume. Sorry, he's busy with Jane. maybe, when she's not around you might be lucky.
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	2-Feb-06/9:31 PM
Wandering black birds Flying in the blue sky so high, Pray, tell me whither Is this better? Anyway, wandering birds are those that you see flying around in the sky - esp. the crows, looking for food or carcas. They have no specific form or order. They are not migratory birds. I merely asked them where they were off to.
Re: Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.134	2-Feb-06/8:16 PM
Awesome here: "Such an accidental magic to be an intimate of air, a certain hollowness of bone, wings curved like light-- each flight a prayer." I wouldn't have used the --'s I'd tweak>'like this winter sky,' and at 'Bleed red as spring', as something in there is messing with the flow alittle. I know you posted a while back, but I am tying to catch up on my reading...that said, some of what I am saying may have been already said...but I post without reading or seeing votes, that way you get my gut reaction and thoughts. I like this and would like to vote on a revised piece...it's worth a second look!
Re: For such is a child’s heart by amanda_dcosta	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.134	2-Feb-06/8:01 PM
a wondrous sight < is the only thing I, personally would change. Sweet, without being candy-coated. Good job!
Re: Sunday Legs by D. $ Fontera	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.134	2-Feb-06/7:58 PM
Catchy Title!
Re: Sunday Legs by D. $ Fontera	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.134	2-Feb-06/7:57 PM
The first stanza could stand alone...and stand solid, at that! It wasn't as well, pulled together, to me, after that. Very nice, all-in-all, though! It seems you just stopped, rather than ended this. "And a blouse that cuts Deep veins below your shoulders"....?
Re: Racial Hate by Glasseyez	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.134	2-Feb-06/7:47 PM
I like that you want to speak about this, and applaud your effort to do so...that being said...the first four lines made me think you were going to go someplace interesting with this piece...but then it got messy and didn't say anything else new or well-said. I'd say goback to the drawingtable with the first four lines in front of you...and go from there, again.
Re: A Loud Room by MacFrantic	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.134	2-Feb-06/7:42 PM
My fav: "I crumble; dissipate in an overwhelming. There is sound and there is silence, and I dare not speak to disturb them both." Awesome, awesome, awesome!...BTW, is that correct spelling of dissipate...it looks wrong...?...LOL My least favorite:My view from near is dots Anyway, I liked this.