Re: Whales in Gastineau Channel by zodiac	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	3-Feb-06/12:05 PM
I loved this. Makes me nostalgic. where I come from, we had to travel by boat to go to Girls High - to the mainland. And on the way we'd see the porpoises jump gracefully. It was a beautiful sight. By the way, whats a Nikon. don't know that. as for anoraks, isn't it some kind of a thick jacket? good going zodiac.
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/12:00 PM
That's harder to say, and, well, we're not very brave, let's face it. I'll go ahead and say, I don't think the quality of your haiku is very good. It's not very dense in information or original language use, which is the main challenge of haiku-writing and the measure of its success. We basically get that there are birds flying and someone wants to see them. In addition, flying and high and sky say essentially the same thing and are a tired rhyme. For an idea of what I'm talking about, here are some decent haiku I found online: EXAMPLE #1 Old black crow perched. A blur of smoke and silver, the moon in his beak. #2 Not your park pigeons, our West-crow: buff, foul-mouthed, he eyes my 'tato wedge. #3 Dog knew she was mad, cocked her head to wind’s sweet song, her lips pursed ready. #4 Out my window, crows harry bald eagles from their troves, tin, bits of string. #5 My quiet love grows. Late night talk about dying - he still wants to live You see? You get whole stories, situations, layers of subtext. That's how haikus work. It's very difficult. Even these are not especially good. Anyway, that's the idea. Hope it helps.
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	3-Feb-06/11:58 AM
That's a strong ass rose. Maybe go with rosebush instead. I can't believe I'm saying this but your ending is actually not mysterious enough. Good imagery though.
Re: a comment on A Walk in the Park by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	3-Feb-06/11:52 AM
Blushing, aren't you?
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	3-Feb-06/11:49 AM
It's not that it has to be 5-7-5 it's just that you should learn the most restrictive form so that you refine your skills of efficient writing. Much like Daniel-son in the Karate Kid did when he painted the fence. Fundimentals is all I was going for from you.
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	3-Feb-06/11:46 AM
Then why don't they tell me the quality of the haiku isn't great. I'd appreciate that, rather than quibble on the format.
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/11:41 AM
Yes, I do. And no, it's not technically wrong. But I stand by what I said earlier: People who said this wasn't a proper haiku were really trying to say they simply didn't like this haiku very much. If it had been a superb haiku, no amount of syllables would have bothered them.
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	3-Feb-06/11:41 AM
I'm not a big fan of Kerouac's haikus. It doesn't matter, I think Ginsberg helped him right most of his best work anyway, that is when he wasn't blowing him.
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	3-Feb-06/11:40 AM
Alchemy, some egs. from the link mentioned go like this.... mime lifting fog ............Jerry Kilbride, Sacremento and another,... meteor shower... a gentle wave wets our sandals ......Michael Dylan Welch, washington It doesn't look like we have to stick to the set rule. That's for Japanese.
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	3-Feb-06/11:35 AM
Tell me zodiac, is it technically wrong in the english style(other than the japanese) to write a haiku like the one I've written? I might not have written one on the 5-7-5 outline (actually my first one was), but I tried to convey my idea from the way i've written after reading quite a bit from the haiku sites. I've read some with just 11 syllables in it. I don't think that just because its not 5-7-5, its off track. Don't you agree with that.
Re: Whales in Gastineau Channel by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	3-Feb-06/11:31 AM
Sounds like you're gettin' some in Alaska.
Re: a comment on Whales in Gastineau Channel by zodiac	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/11:28 AM
re "breaches": I'm afraid that's real whale terminology. As for the rest - it's odd. Of about 30 people who've seen this, each has picked out a different single word to crit. Maybe I need to start over...
Re: a comment on A Walk in the Park by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/11:26 AM
Oh, I meant "it" generally. The whole metaphor.
Re: Whales in Gastineau Channel by zodiac	Dovina 17.255.240.138	3-Feb-06/10:31 AM
"breaches" as in breaches the water, is an intolerable twist, I'm afaid. And you do need something before "Nikons" for grammar's sake or as your gramma must have said said. I suppose "purchase" means something in this context. And "yen" as in yearning is old usage misplaced in the new. And Earth's kiss, well, you've been in water and air up to now, why enter the earth?
Re: a comment on A Walk in the Park by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	3-Feb-06/10:20 AM
Grammetically, it should be, "as lilies win bees," but I liked it better this way. Thanks.
Re: a comment on A Walk in the Park by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	3-Feb-06/10:18 AM
How did you feel, then, having gotten over "it", when your skirt fanned out, as everyone's does sometimes?
Re: Even the elephants by ecargo	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/9:40 AM
Bourne is an amnesiac super-assassin. You mean windborne. Good poem.
Re: Nomads by amanda_dcosta	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/9:37 AM
There's no strict rules for writing haikus in English, as you'd all know if you ever read Kerouac instead of just pretending. Saying haikus are supposed to be 5-7-5 is just an easy way of saying you don't like this haiku. That said, it's better if you try to write your haiku 5-7-5, amanda, as it's not a very difficult thing to do and if you don't, people are always going to wonder about you.
Re: stormcast (a true story) by FreeFormFixation	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/9:34 AM
Damn those libraries with their endless library knowledge.
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.47	3-Feb-06/9:31 AM
"skirt fanned out as if it saw you" is good, but personally I think you should try to get over it. Happens to everyone, if we're lucky enough.