Re: a comment on Going Away to Fight a War by wilco	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:35 PM
You're correct on the solstice thing...as for the vote average, if you've been here any length of time, you know that vote averages mean little on this site when gauging talent. Thanks, though ;). Yeah, I like the retired kite strings bit...my favorite line here along with the second half of the first stanze...I totally ripped the tune off from Death Cab for Cutie though..I gotta work on that...
Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:30 PM
again, some cliches...and I think one thing that might hlp you is to get an idea of what you want to write..then work on how you want to say it..as opposed to letting the rhymes drive the poem as was said above.
Re: Lonely Road by drnick	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:25 PM
It just doesn't really do anything for me...it's not really bad and I wish I knew what to tell you to improve it...just feels tired...
Re: Faith on a cross by Caducus	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:20 PM
Not as good as the one i just read...but not bad.
Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:18 PM
I hate to keep heaping praise upon you because I'm sure your head is swelling as I write this, but I can't help it. I'l give it a 10 if you can make it longer and it's still this good.
Re: The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:09 PM
After reading the comments here and on a few other pages, I've realized that when you leave for a while and then come back..you have no clue whats going on anymore...nice poem by the way..Tommy likee
Re: cryogenicide necrobot by baphomet	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:05 PM
That's a lot of words to not be making any sense. I'm hnestly not sure if you're making up words or misspelling them,. but either ay, changing that would yield, I believe, a much better poem.
Re: Moonlight Paradox by Glasseyez	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:02 PM
I don't know....7?
Re: Pastry by Tirapasteles	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:59 PM
no can reada so no can vota
Re: Unless by rahson_s	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:39 PM
Some nice sentiments, but not a very entertaining read unless you're the one at which it's directed.
Re: a comment on The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Feb-06/3:35 PM
Yes, anyone discovering this site in two thousand years' time will certainly have their work cut out. How many poems has it accumulated in the last 5 years or so - fourteen thousand? More? Even Christ didn't give rise to this much literature. I guess that makes nentwined some sort of prophet then...
Re: Pastry by Tirapasteles	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Feb-06/3:30 PM
You'll have to forgive me, but I don't have a clue.
Re: run'em'hard by grendal	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:24 PM
It's like a retarded Dr. Seuss poem...no offense to you...It just doesn't make any sense.
Re: Monkey Tree (Breathless edit) by ecargo	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:20 PM
not bad, but the spacing is distracting and makes it harder to read than it should be.
Re: The Acorn Daisies by MacFrantic	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:16 PM
excellent
Re: Partying Blind by poetry/poem101	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:11 PM
Well, I got through the first paragraph, but it's my feeling that if you want me to do you the courtesy of reading the whole thing and commenting and voting in a serious manner, the least you could do is run it through the spell checker.
Re: Partying Blind by poetry/poem101	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Feb-06/1:14 PM
What to say about this...well for one thing it's a prose poem. But that's not majorly important. The last 4 lines really want to go...this is a poetry site, after all, and they detract from the end of the story which showed promise. However, it didn't quite live up to the potential it showed; you need to bring out the emotions of the events. I recommend Caducus' work for learning how to write emotive poetry without sounding whiny. Other than that, spelling and grammar, the usual stuff. As first posts go, it's better than many.
Re: Everything That You've Ever Wanted by drnick	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Feb-06/1:03 PM
If I've interpreted the last 4 lines right (that a life without threat would be incredibly boring) then you have captured one of my deepest beliefs and the last line works marvellously. Perhaps 'Admission of a Dream' would work as a catchier title.
Re: a comment on Sonnet by zodiac	ecargo 167.219.88.140	9-Feb-06/12:37 PM
“The Augean Stables,” by Seamus Heaney My favorite bas-relief: Athene showing Heracles where to broach the riverbank With a nod of her high helmet, her staff sunk In the exact spot, the Alpheus flowing Out of its course into the deep dung strata Of King Augeas’ reeking yard and stables. Sweet dissolutions from the water tables, Blocked doors and packed floors deluging like gutters… And it was there in Olympia, down among green willows, The lustral wash and run of river shallows, That we heard of Sean Brown’s murder in the grounds Of Bellaghy G.A.A. Club. And imagined Hosewater smashing hard back off the asphalt In the car park where his athlete’s blood ran cold.
Re: My Father’s World by Dovina	drnick 24.176.22.254	9-Feb-06/12:33 PM
Pretty good, I'm not too crazy about lines 7 and 8. They seem too simple compared to everything else. What is with all the religious poems?