Re: The chestnut by richa	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/4:04 PM
Efficient and effective.
Re: Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/3:52 PM
Aside from the last line this is a great representation of cubism with a cute parody title. The final lines threw me off though, they don't seem to go with the scattered multi angle picture you've created.
Re: Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	Ranger 62.252.32.15	21-Feb-06/3:51 PM
This is fantastic.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	Ranger 62.252.32.15	21-Feb-06/3:49 PM
drnick seems to be getting quite a few tributes lately! And well deserved, I might add.
Re: a comment on Eden to Galillee (by Caducus) by Mona Lisa	Ranger 62.252.32.15	21-Feb-06/3:45 PM
Okay, so I missed 'the cunt of love' earlier (seems I missed a lot earlier, bah). That doesn't sound like Caducus to me.
Re: The chestnut by richa	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:35 PM
Better.
Re: During the Grace by jahnotis	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:34 PM
To be grammatical, "neither" would have to come before "suffered", not before "lights". Alternately, you can say (somewhat archaicly) "neither did the lights suffer, nor did they shine..." (note the tense.) "tarry" should be "tarried". Or the whole thing should be in present tense, one or the other. "realized" in the sense you've got it means, like, "I realized my dreams". That is, "my dreams came into being". I think you mean "recognized the thorn's approach." And you ought to drop "vulnerably" from the next line, since flanks being open MEANS something's vulnerable; and again, "remain" should be past tense. Third stanza: Again, try to keep the tense consistent. By the third and fourth stanzas, the "nor did they shine" lines seem more for rhyme than making sense. That said, the last stanza's the best, although I think, politically speaking, this poem is tripe.
Re: a comment on Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/3:25 PM
Yeah it's an old one I cut and pasted for drnick just to maybe give him some ideas about things he seems to be thinking about. Normally I wouldn't have posted it as I feel it's riddled with glitches. Eventually I steal the best lines of my old poems and put them in new one's so maybe some of this'll get recycled.
Re: Empty Chronicles by Scarlett	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:25 PM
The second stanza's good, minus Minerva.
Re: First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:24 PM
I don't understand any of the lines that rhyme with "sight".
Re: lost souls by aamir_trichy	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:22 PM
Not bad, but you should know most poetry written in English is not like this.
Re: Eden to Galillee (by Caducus) by Mona Lisa	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:20 PM
Looks like Caducus to me.
Re: Watercolor Fairy by Scarlett	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:17 PM
Try to avoid reversing normal word order, like in "blessings she bequeaths". And easy way to do that - to, say, get "bequeaths" at the end of the line instead of blessings - is to enjamb. Try: Around the painting, she bequeaths blessings, plots colors, running free By splashes of rain droplets from her eyes Hues battle for territory
Re: Pretty Little Dead Thing by JAM	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:14 PM
If you must rhyme, consider rhyming words that no sensible person would try to rhyme, but in a way that seems obvious after the fact.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/3:07 PM
"who's" should be "whose". "that" in the first sentence should at least be "where" or "in which" for the sentence to be grammatical. "deniles" is a cheesy play on words and doesn't add meaning. I'm having some trouble getting the second verse. What's earned might not be rewarded? I'd have expected what's paid to be rewarded; what's earned is its own reward. "thier" in last stanza = "their". Nice. There's a couple of nice meanings in this.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/2:55 PM
Yes I know it's spelled "Deserts" but that was supposed to be a play on words although a very naive one I will admit.
Re: a comment on Everything That You've Ever Wanted by drnick	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/2:32 PM
I have an old poem that touches on that same idea(to just enjoy the life you're given) but in a different way. Maybe I'll post it and see if it gives you any ideas.
Re: First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	nentwined 68.232.253.122	21-Feb-06/2:28 PM
Dude. You're alive! I've been wondering what became of you. :) I'm glad you found your way back here. Now why is your email bouncing? I think you picked a beautiful subject for the form--it really pounds it in. The flow is more awkward than I think it needs to be, and yeah--the spelling issues as noted.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/2:19 PM
OK, so what type of hammer? different hammers make different sounds on different surfaces so your simile is still shite. Fear not fair maiden I've come to save the day once again. Change hammer to blacksmith. I await thine handkerchief me lady.
Re: Sunday i will dream again by Caducus	some deleted user 204.97.16.34	21-Feb-06/1:24 PM
wow! This is really great work. I look forward to reading more of your stuff--you have a special talent.