Re: Home is Where the Hate Is by raven_the_poet	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.15	22-Feb-06/5:47 AM
But where is the chorus??
Re: Pancakes by raven_the_poet	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.15	22-Feb-06/5:45 AM
Its nice to somebody is happy.
Re: lost souls by aamir_trichy	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.2	22-Feb-06/4:39 AM
Personally I'd leave the whole thin out and try again.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.2	22-Feb-06/4:34 AM
As a read it could be a bit smoother. At the moment its like walking across a sheet of ice that's braeking up, the bits are all disconnected but you can see how they would fit together.
Re: First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.2	22-Feb-06/4:25 AM
A pleasant surprise to find this on my first look back, still it is marred by the iambic errors as noted. "I cannot watch it because I won't pray" is not iambic pentametre, but "I cannot watch because I will not pray" is, while admitting that it is your poem and not mine I fail to see how the 2nd line would detract from the message. It is true, that in longer poems, such as that which I just posted tthe iambic pentametre can become a soporific, but in a vilanelle or a sonnet, a part of the enjoyment of reading one is the fluidity of the construction. Any way, nice work, but keep working on it.
Re: a comment on First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	nentwined 68.232.253.122	22-Feb-06/12:25 AM
PS, Vilanelle does seem to make for a good chant. (and your quickfinger account doesn't seem to exist anymore--I'm getting bounces from it)
Re: a comment on First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	nentwined 68.232.253.122	22-Feb-06/12:24 AM
Would you like me to merge the two accounts? Gods, I hate Myspace. The ads and slow pageloads and interface drive me batty. But I'm not as social as all that, or something. And I am a livejournal addict, give or take. And yet--somehow, I post on Myspace every now and then. I don't know why. I should just give it up. Spoken word I tried once. I didn't really like the atmosphere, but I expect it would be nice with people you knew. Some of the stuff was impressive, but too much of it wasn't. A lot like poemranker in that regard, perhaps. ;)
Re: a comment on First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	Been Here Before 67.40.152.90	22-Feb-06/12:20 AM
Yes. Life has been entertaining. I thought I would come back and get my poetry worked over a again. My form poems don't flow and my free verse is WAY too free. I must watch that typing though. I tend to write while drinking and send them off a bit quick. Any how, I am working more towards spoken word than anything and much of my writing is geared in that dirrection. As far as my e-mail address, I could not remember anything from the last time I was here (5 years ago), so I reverted to the only other e-mail I have. I never check quickfinger, it is always the Melmichelle@hotmail.com, but I'm computer dumb. Well, back to Myspace to write more blogs. How have you been?
Re: a comment on Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/11:00 PM
"Do you think the cubist quality of the painting might have subtly influenced the way you wrote this?" Only as far as cubist/futurist/whatever capturing every movement or moment in an event, freeze-frame style. Which I think applies to writing as much as to any other art. "It seems your trying to demystify art." I'd like to mystify the mundane. Seriously. For me at least, that's a side effect of atheism. Part of that I think is the event or poem being free from context, which I what I was trying to say in the end. For me it's metaphor for writing a poem, maybe a poem for a woman. You break your neck and only the dog/reader gets the prize. If that's not clear, though, it's my bad.
Re: a comment on Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/10:37 PM
The last line does make more sense that way. I'm sure you've seen the painting. When I first saw it I thought "Yeah, it looks more like he's falling than descending". Do you think the cubist quality of the painting might have subtly influenced the way you wrote this? It seems your trying to demystify art. This would be a side effect of atheism and the reason I avoid atheism. Then again I probably am as usual reading too much into this.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/10:19 PM
Yes, the surprise ending, the way you plucked those words out to make such a fine joke and your delivery of the joke were all worthy of a 10 if put in poetic form.
Re: a comment on Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/10:08 PM
I think I got my idea from "It's a Wonderful LIfe" or was it "Bruce Almighty", anyway it's a good lesson. Keep the dreamlike images in your poem though, that was my favorite part.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Feb-06/8:40 PM
How come is any sharp wit, as you call it, not considered by you as being in poems that blow? Okay, we've got too many perverts around here to continue this thought without serious retribution, but you get my drift. You've said it before, so there must be some factor missing, in your opinion, from my poems that creeps into these trifling comments I make.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Feb-06/8:33 PM
A man is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be—Abe Lincoln Hunger not for Justice. Yep, that about sums it up. I'd write a poem almost as good as this one if I had a few more words and another glass of wine.
Re: a comment on Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	drnick 24.176.22.254	21-Feb-06/6:00 PM
thanks, but certainly not more than anybody else on here.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	drnick 24.176.22.254	21-Feb-06/5:58 PM
There are some small errors in this one, but I like it all the same. I like the way you've worded what you're trying to get across...it's like you've taken the direct meaning and turned your head so it's just barely in your peripheral vision. It's also something I need to work on. It's strange that I agree with what you're saying and everything, but yet find it difficult to be content. Then again, it wouldn't exactly be good to be completely content either as one would have no ambition to achieve anything greater than what they have. Perhaps the best idea is to continue to persue one's dreams while never losing appreciation for what one already has. Maybe I can rewrite my old one with that theme in mind. Thanks for putting this up here for me, that was very kind of you.
Re: a comment on Everything That You've Ever Wanted by drnick	drnick 24.176.22.254	21-Feb-06/5:41 PM
That would be very kind of you, I look forward to reading it.
Re: a comment on Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	zodiac 66.230.117.4	21-Feb-06/4:39 PM
I wanted it to be more about writing/art in general than cubism. Maybe that's what's confusing.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	21-Feb-06/4:28 PM
Put some of that sharp wit into your poems and they surely won't blow.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.104	21-Feb-06/4:17 PM
"Like blacksmith blows" Is that what you mean? And you have the audacity to ask for my hankerchief, just because you are a blacksmith about to blow?