Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/4:20 AM
The beacon lit was a little imagery for the reflection of Venus in the lens - the lens being his desire for marriage etc. etc. etc. A brass ring would have been a more accurate description for a telescope, but what would your reaction be if your lover gave you a brass ring in proposition? Also, I felt that the cockerel seemed to fit nicely as a reflection of the man - a rooster is settled in his familial position, whereas the cockerel is not. The young man is more likely to wake early to try to win the lady of his affection (shit, I sound so pretentious here...). I tried to fit a change to the imagery with that as well; I had the idea of the ring being crafted by the falling of a metalsmith's hammer, but the hammer turning to that of a judge in 'sentencing' the man to failure (hence the courtroom imagery in "risen, tense" splitting to resemble 'rise' and 'sentence', and of course the final condemnation).
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/4:08 AM
"Rosehip mist" was intended as an alternative to 'rose-tinted glasses', and phrases of that ilk. My image of it was of a frost, then a light fog, very subtly red when seen under Mars (the man) but white like Venus in reality (which then served the purpose of stanza 2). "Prism" was a play on 'prison', the planet being 'trapped' in a way within the telescope lens (the 'round glass eye' also being the man's longing for Venus).
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/4:01 AM
I gather that your conversation on smoofle's last post turned to horse-screwing, so I'd feel somewhat left out if you didn't include me... Your conversations really make the ranker all the more worthwhile!
Re: a comment on Beauty, sleeping (revised) by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/3:56 AM
Well this is the last one I posted before I took a break from poemranker; to be honest nothing of mine earlier than this one is really worth reading (except possibly the 'Mannequin' one) - I just keep them on here to remind me how much I've learnt and progressed. The votes mean nothing, these were still the days of vote manipulation here. Plus, you must take into account rockmage's epic zero spree..I wondered if I'd personally insulted him somehow but it would seem that he zeroed pretty much every other poem on this site as well, so I didn't take it to heart. Oddly enough, though, I like this poem more than anything else I've written.
Re: Pelted with stones on the common by Bobjim	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.29	1-Mar-06/11:29 PM
The ending is a bit weak.
Re: What Hobbit songs are really like... by Bobjim	terbenaw 68.127.118.201	1-Mar-06/11:17 PM
Interesting...
Re: a comment on An Interview With King David by amanda_dcosta	Niphredil 132.68.1.29	1-Mar-06/10:31 PM
*cheers* spot on!
Re: Filler by MacFrantic	Niphredil 132.68.1.29	1-Mar-06/10:30 PM
ooh! me likee!
Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe	Niphredil 132.68.1.29	1-Mar-06/10:24 PM
more spelling: "suits FARE no better..." I loved the first stanza!
Re: Together They Fell (Prose) by Fayt	Niphredil 132.68.1.29	1-Mar-06/10:18 PM
It's long; but the fact that I read the whole thing through says something. I think I preferred this as a poem, though; as a story, it's just too full of cliches to sweep me along. The idea is very romantic, and I think with some polish this piece could improve. A good place to start would be with the opening paragraph, which I find clumsy. The redundancy and repetition of "defined by many definitions", "its more pain than I can bear... I cannot bear the pain I feel... this pain I feel" detracts from the body of the poem and is not an adequate introduction. However, like I said, it does show potential, and the final paragraph is very sweet :-)
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd	Niphredil 132.68.1.29	1-Mar-06/9:36 PM
I agree with LilMissLady. I especially liked the fourth stanza ("snake-hipped weaver"!) but I feel your poem lacks the cohesiveness it should have, in that I'm not left with any sort of lingering concept or thought at the end of the poem. No vote, because I think this can be better.
Re: the disadvantages of dropping out by FreeFormFixation	Niphredil 132.68.1.29	1-Mar-06/9:30 PM
...And for some reason, I identify completely with this poem. Made me think.
Re: His Dying Words (2nd draft) by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.65	1-Mar-06/8:56 PM
This called for better than you gave in the last line...please consider stating the fact: maternity ward, in some other way, (the blue booties dropped to the floor, dropped from her hand...something to state maternity ward...and then work on a fitting ending. This is such unique perspective..which I most enjoy tackling, myself. It asked to be re-read...and that is a good sign, if you ask me. It challenges beliefs and perspectives on what life is and means here...good stuff. Do it justice at the end. It's reads like (camera fades) instruction in a theatre production or filming. It went from real, and puzzling to shocking and thought provoking to...(camera fades)...it deserves more.
Re: Blackbird & the Everlasting Dream by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.65	1-Mar-06/8:44 PM
freeze-with breeze heard-this bird seems-Although his dreams ...!! blue-and through flight-contrite...!!! awhile-of trials (I'd make them one or the other...follow through if you are going to do that, as they are rather abrupt in places, and are jarring, to me.) lines 3 and 4 stumble, try something like: With the breeze they softly stirred Never a sound so sweet was heard I read everlasting world as everlasting word...which would work too. Revise and I could see giving this a better score...it has potential, but just needs to pull together better. Work on the flow...make it go down more smoothly.
Re: a comment on Beauty, sleeping (revised) by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.13	1-Mar-06/8:26 PM
LOL...now I read the comments and votes...My, what alot of eyes you have! It is funny that you have 0's and 10's...hmm...do you have ogre's hiding under the bridge, that only come out when you pass? I haven't seen alot of these names commenting on other stuff, and yet they seem to have some personal issues involved. Maybe this is just one of those things you either like or don't. You can bet, good or bad, that when I comment there are no motives, one way or the other, toward anybody. I vote and post, then read what other's wrote, just to ensure the thoughts are my own and real. Everyone may totally disagree with me or agree. It really doesn't matter to me. What does matter is being judged on the writing's merits. Period. You can count on an honest thought and opinion, from me...even if it might be something you'd rather not hear or you totally disagree with. What you do with it is entirely up to you.
Re: Beauty, sleeping (revised) by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.65	1-Mar-06/8:15 PM
I am working my way down (newest to oldest) the list of your stuff on here...in case that isn't obvious by now. This isn't one of my favorites, thus far. It just isn't my cup of tea, perhaps. It just doesn't stand out like the others. It IS a bit of fun...and the humour is funny in a Robinhood/'men in tights' kind of way. I don't understand why you talk of jet planes at the onset, but then stay within typical fairie tale format after that, never mentioning a tie to that plane again. Perhaps say "The fairies joined in like biting gnats, to cast/buzz their spells about my head." ?... something to give a distinct entry and personality to them. (As they are they just look thrown in there, and seem incomplete and insignificant.) (castles, dwarves, and all) or (castle's dwarves and all?) >my stallion and I (If it was intentional it is just not cute enough to work here. Maybe "me and my stallion" would put a childish spin on it without making us roll our eyes...?)
Re: Reach for the Nightmare by longships	terbenaw 68.127.118.201	1-Mar-06/7:04 PM
Question: Is this about Iraq?
Re: a comment on There by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Mar-06/4:54 PM
No, I'd say mostly she holds on to a woody. God I'm going to hell for that one.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	1-Mar-06/4:50 PM
He's a young rooster so apperantly his cock isn't ready to doodle-doo yet.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	Dovina 17.255.240.138	1-Mar-06/4:47 PM
Ranger will be appalled, won't he?