Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	2-Mar-06/7:42 AM
Teach yourself to be your own harshest critic. It's harder to do than you think.
Re: a comment on Beauty, sleeping by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/7:37 AM
Yes, I agree totally...the revised version of this was much better.
Re: a comment on =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	Dovina 67.72.98.99	2-Mar-06/7:34 AM
Actually, yes. Admittedly it's weird, but for me it has meaning.
Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.117.10	2-Mar-06/7:32 AM
hmmmm....you say you don't get my poem...(I feel guilty scoring this...did you really want us to?
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/7:30 AM
Oh dear... I should have realised that Freud would have a field day with this poem.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	2-Mar-06/7:24 AM
So when she's looking at your raised telescope is she squinting or is she bug eyed or does it depend on whether it's cold out or not. Ps. If you trim the bushes around the telescope it'll look a little bigger.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/7:19 AM
I don't know that it's a metaphor as such...it's kind of a double bluff pun. The planet is 'caged' (hence the 'prison' reference) in the lens - the lens being not necessarily a prism, but similar in conjuring up images, colours different from our normal perception. I knew what I was talking about when I wrote the line...I think...
Re: A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.117.10	2-Mar-06/7:15 AM
read the line and see if the rythm flows better, for you. (added 'the' and broke the format up to, uhmmmm... make it pause for effect. changed 'lifting' to 'lifted'...just some thoughts...feel free to reject them all:) setting diamonds in the band with ruby glinting to its right (nestled..?) .............. Unlike most who gaze at stars He stared not through the rosehip mist But instead spent one night Standing Atlas, dreaming of a burden lifted ........ A cockerel early risen, tense Brings the news that night has gone And once again It cries _________(needs 2 syllable word) The astronomer dies at dawn. ?...this gives the idea...listen to the RYTHM.. A cockerel early risen, tense Brings the news that night has gone And once again It cries, henceforth (better at 4 syllables total!) The astronomer dies at dawn. (dropping a syllable keeps you from having to rush the ending by forcing the syllables in. You could use any number of words at 'it cries'> henceforth,the edict,an edict, bemoans, mourning, in mourning,warning, in warning, to warn,its warning, its notice, in decree...etc. okay...that said...I'm glad if you can garner something from reading my stuff, but also realize everyone has to find there own internal rythm; and every piece has its own inner beat and melody.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/7:15 AM
Dammit, if I can't gather information from poemranker I'll never make it as a private eye...
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	2-Mar-06/7:13 AM
I'll give you "Rosehip" but with "prism" doesn't a metaphor have to work both ways?
Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT	Caducus 172.143.151.6	2-Mar-06/7:12 AM
killer cool and the last line is top banana
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	Caducus 172.143.151.6	2-Mar-06/7:11 AM
You do have a way with words making them like a portal to the scenes you paint so well - in particular i love this line fingering trees flicking my antennae. Always something you do which adds beef to my own creative juices :-)
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	2-Mar-06/7:10 AM
"I gather that your conversation on smoofle's last post turned to horse-screwing" -No, sorry, I never talk about my private life.
Re: Blackbird & the Everlasting Dream by Ranger	Caducus 172.143.151.6	2-Mar-06/7:08 AM
I too thought sonnet could be in the bag here too
Re: Blackbird & the Everlasting Dream by Ranger	Caducus 172.143.151.6	2-Mar-06/7:07 AM
This one has a title to die for and the poems pretty good with a rhyme scheme that dont seem forced. Corvids are my favourite group of birds - mistaken.
Re: Beauty, sleeping by Ranger	Caducus 172.143.151.6	2-Mar-06/7:06 AM
I think your trying to deal with too many myths and stories in one poem and it needs line breaks, grammar, (i am one to talk on grammar) but their is something their most definitely.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/6:54 AM
Possibly, although I tend not to repeat verbs if possible. It's certainly going to require some thought.
Re: A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	LilMsLadyPoet 205.188.117.10	2-Mar-06/6:19 AM
through which his gaze directed...?
Re: part by Adriaan	Adriaan 198.54.202.18	2-Mar-06/5:12 AM
Acid drops are an old-fashioned kind of candy.
Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Mar-06/4:28 AM
I thought this was going to be a poem about <~> at first...