Re: Mirror by Sunny	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/7:14 AM
Some good lines and details in this. I like your showing what the mirror shoes, in people and in rooms--like "tousled sheets, clamped bodies." "Tango of the soul" strikes me as a little hackneyed. Really good overall.
Re: a comment on My Prayer by amanda_dcosta	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/7:07 AM
I'd sure like to read about Goa. I saw a travel show that did a segment on it and it looks fascinating and beautiful. I have a friend traveling in India right now, and he loved it there; said the people were great and the island very beautiful. Your mango pickle poem hinted at some tantalizing things to write about. And the show I watched had some interesting bits about the Portugese influence on the culture and about certain things for which Goa is apparently known (terra cotta art, the food, etc.) You've got a rich and--to me--exotic background to draw on.
Re: Cohoma Scott King by rahson_s	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/7:01 AM
Not bad, very descriptive.
Re: My First Hangover by mindsigns	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/6:26 AM
Heh--cute. There's nothing--NOTHING--worse than a gin-induced hangover. Ugh.
Re: a comment on Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/6:25 AM
Hmm. You know, I dislike the ending so much I didn't even think to dislike the beginning. ;) I see what you mean though--the details are, I dunno, extraneous maybe. Thanks for the comment. I'd comment on your latest but, honestly, I'm not really sure what to make of it.
Re: My First Hangover by mindsigns	Bobjim 143.167.79.60	28-Mar-06/5:51 AM
Pretty good. Though I never get hangovers.
Re: My Prayer by amanda_dcosta	drnick 24.176.22.254	28-Mar-06/12:53 AM
You should try writing about something other than this "God" fellow.
Re: Darker Days by oneglove	Sunny 66.69.36.222	27-Mar-06/10:43 PM
Once I read this poem a couple of times & also read the other comments on it, I see, I see. Very metaphorical, very well thought-out...like a heist or "murder scene" even. A great read none-the-less with deep metaphor, dramatic theme, words that grab, short but punctual. Emily Dickinson style. Great read!
Re: Emily Mae by horus8	bwaha 64.12.116.14	27-Mar-06/7:49 PM
for some reason, (which I cannot identify) the fact that the name you used was "emily mae" really made this poem 10x more enjoyable (though I would have liked it anyway.)
Re: Swan Lake by Caducus	bwaha 64.12.116.14	27-Mar-06/7:40 PM
I kind of liked this, but it kept losing me. There wasn't really much of a central theme or focus that I could find for a reader to grasp onto.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.242	27-Mar-06/6:58 PM
What do you disagree with? That people who didn't know should be smacked? Did YOU not know?
Re: Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/6:46 PM
It's hard to follow at the beginning, but the last 3 verses bring it together. Then on going back, it works well from Verse 2 on. Verse 1 seems disconnected.
Re: Mirror by Sunny	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/6:34 PM
The first line bewilders me. Mercury, lying on a plate, spreads out in what could be an oval, and reflects like a mirror. The poem makes sense after I pass that obstacle, and until mercury appears at the end. But there, it must be some metaphor. Okay, I must have it all wrong.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/6:25 PM
I disagree, and always have.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.242	27-Mar-06/5:32 PM
Blast away. Anyone who doesn't know it's a well-known song should be smacked.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/5:01 PM
I already have grown up to be a fish, and I don't blast someone for theft, even if he copies a well-known song and posts it as his own.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.242	27-Mar-06/4:19 PM
What do you mean?
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/3:45 PM
Haven't you read the above? I already have.
Re: A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.242	27-Mar-06/3:25 PM
A fish is an animal that lives in a brook. He can't write his name or read a book. To fool the humans is his only thought, And even though he's slippery, he still gets caught. So you better watch out for what you wish: You could grow up to be a fish.
Re: a comment on Blue Gravity by Sunny	Sunny 65.118.48.13	27-Mar-06/1:22 PM
Thank you Dovina for not only reading my work, but giving me your honest critique as well. A little confusion though to clear up for possible upcoming readers & yourself in clarity in beginning of S2: "I push the blue gravity/ not down through my feet, but forced upon these bones/ that could crumble me apart with a hard and gentle hand…"> Meaning: Picture gravity pulling people down to earth through (or pulling the feet) as a "natural gravitational pull." I disembody this natural foot-to-earth pull not through my feet, but surrounding/ covering all the bones that substain me, which could be so much force as to, "...crumble me apart...". I do not mean for reader to interpret anything or anyone, other than gravity's pull, to be "underneath me". I'm trying to personify gravity with hands that for once, don't pull me down through my feet but to use it's untouchable, inevitable force to surround my skeleton & suppress in inwards. Strange imagery I failed at portraying; thank you-I will make revisions to clarify this unseen imagery...or try at least :)