Re: Blue Gravity by Sunny	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/12:55 PM
I'm not into this as much as your others. The first line with "dead headstone" is off-putting. All headstones are dead, aren't they? I like the feathers rocking on the bay. The woman in a Bohemian skirt is confusing - could be you or someone else. Then in verse 2, the narrator could be the body under the headstone. Then the three "she" lines turn it back into a love poem.
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	ecargo 167.219.88.140	27-Mar-06/12:19 PM
Not bad, but some lines are a little awkard and you stagger back and forth with the rhythm, e.g.: "The girls waiting to have their legs spread/I like to walk . . ." "who have their tears shed"; etc. Most are easy enough to fix, really, by paying attention to the rhythm and watching for artificial-sounding inversions (e.g., instead of "who have their tears shed," could be something like "I pity the romancers who have shed/their tears when all they need is a good lay." That way, too, you retain the iambic pentameter w/out contorting the line. Clever, mostly, and fun.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/12:08 PM
Interesting that my final line should conjure that allusion. The fisherman I had in mind is another sort of dude altogether.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/12:08 PM
Since I think of myself as the fish, I could hardly be smiling.
Re: a comment on A look inside [someone real} by Garrett S Sexton	ecargo 167.219.88.140	27-Mar-06/12:05 PM
Are you suggesting that "twott" is not an accepted, alternative spelling of "twat"?
Re: Christ At The Oscars by Caducus	Sunny 65.118.48.13	27-Mar-06/11:48 AM
Great poem!! Powerful theme that will smack any unassuming reader across the face. Tactful wording. Well thought-out. On a personal note: I am a guiltly audience member, glorifying the mere middle-man & not the prince. How ignorant mankind can be. Thank you personally for the slap.
Re: Dust by Caducus	Sunny 65.118.48.13	27-Mar-06/11:42 AM
This self ode for when death comes knocking at YOUR door, by my interpretation anyway. S1, L2-I don't believe to be necessary to your theme; if love is one of your main themes in this poem, it is not brought out strong enough to be noticed, so this line seems to come from nowhere. The rest of this stanza however, introduces your theme quite accurately. S2 is brilliant in meaning & very touching. In S3, you bring out many good lines & keep steady with the theme, which is pertinent for your reader...for instance I thought L1 & L2 in S3 have powerful clarity for your final "wishes", which will overall deeply touch the reader. I liked your theme but might recommend using more poetical elements, such as imagery, metaphor, detail & not so much generalization. Crystal clear theme though.
Re: a comment on Buddy by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Mar-06/11:34 AM
Now you're both it seeem.
Re: a comment on Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Mar-06/11:31 AM
Don't bother with him. He's uptight, British and a hypocrite. He's on a mission to change the worlds view of English people as intellectuals.
Re: a comment on A look inside [someone real} by Garrett S Sexton	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Mar-06/11:08 AM
Yes, your spelling and punctuation on the other hand is impeccable.
Re: Darker Days by oneglove	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	27-Mar-06/10:27 AM
Screamed 'I love you' sounds a little forced. It's as if someone was forcing them to do it. How about altering the last two lines to: 'Once they cried 'I love you', Now they only cry.' then you get a little word-play on 'cry' as well. it would require changing the rhyme though. :-)
Re: a comment on A look inside [someone real} by Garrett S Sexton	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	27-Mar-06/9:56 AM
That's no excuse for us being exposed to a mess of misspellings, perverted grammar, and woefully misplaced capitals. If you expect to be taken seriously (or the girl who wrote this, whatever), you should respect your readers by bothering to edit and spellcheck before publishing. Nobody will ever take gibberish like this seriously. I'd save the insults if I were you. They really don't improve the poem at all.
Re: a comment on Darker Days by oneglove	oneglove 24.107.19.240	27-Mar-06/9:33 AM
i'm glad i could conjour up such a pleasent memories for you. in all actuality, its about sifting through an old box of pictures and getting lost in the good memories of a relationship. in those moments it can be easy to forget why the relationship is over. twin sapphires refer to blue eyes, the murder scene, the blood shot whites of the eye.
Re: a comment on Darker Days by oneglove	oneglove 24.107.19.240	27-Mar-06/8:56 AM
its revised. i left bleeding skies because thats how i imagine the sunset in the context of the poem. even the beautiful memory is still pointing towards the final 'murder scene'
Re: A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	drnick 141.218.64.46	27-Mar-06/8:53 AM
Ain't it the truth? I like how you lured the reader in by making the first 3 statements (lines 2-4) things that we could all accept easily and then "set the hook" with what you really wanted to say. It was hard to disagree. Are you smiling?
Re: a comment on Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0	Garrett S Sexton 86.130.241.44	27-Mar-06/7:53 AM
If you cannot take criticism don't put it out there man!I find it laughable you worked hard on this small piece,are you 9? I have no opinion of you I do not know you I just judged your work honestly.Sorry we don't agree,thats life!After all who am I to say?You won lots of contests with this work. AGAIN WITH THE GOD BIT TRYING TO SCARE ME NOW, HOW AMERICAN! I AM FAR TO MATURE OF MIND TO GIVE THIS ANY CREDENCE. THEWORK IS LAME,NO RUDENESS INTENDED.
Re: a comment on A look inside [someone real} by Garrett S Sexton	Garrett S Sexton 86.130.241.44	27-Mar-06/7:38 AM
You didn't read past the end,it's not my poem you twott!
Re: a comment on Buddy by ALChemy	Dovina 12.72.25.31	27-Mar-06/7:00 AM
pey, os ti meees
Re: a comment on Buddy by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	27-Mar-06/6:55 AM
You're styll one, M'i llits eht rehto.
Re: a comment on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.25.31	27-Mar-06/6:54 AM
I had that idea in mind. Glad you noticed it. I also tried to show the philosophical notion of numbers as real entities, distinguishable from useful words. If you mix the two viewpoints together you come up with wonderment over whether we are real.