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A look inside [someone real} (Free verse) by Garrett S Sexton
The words have been drained from this pencil. Sweet words that I want to give you, and I can't sleep. I need to tell you, goodnight When we're together I feel perfect? When I'm pulled away from you I FALL APART! All you say is sacred to me. your eyes are so blue. I can't look away as we lay in stillness. You whisper to me? Joshua MARRY ME! For all this you'll stay with me? Ohh, you don't have to ask me. You know your all I live for. You know I'd die, hold you,stay with you. SOME HOW I WILL SHOW YOU! Show you that you are my night sky. I've always been right behind you. Now I'll always be right beside you. SO MANY NIGHTS CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP. NOW THAT YOU LOVE ME!I love myself? I never thought I would say that. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE YOU! THE END. I cannot lay claim to this poem, it came from the heart of a 16 year old girl. I liberated it from my current squeezes 15 year old son's bedroom, with his permission because it is so good I bring it to you. PLEASE COMMENT. ABOUT THE ARTIST Jamie and Josh have split for good, though she clings he has slowly but gently has pushed her away. No kith nor kin that like her, and a mind not unlike that of a ten year old, it was BIZARRE then that she dumped him. He now, being a nice chap had the perfect escape. She had cancer young, nearly died so is clingy to Mum. However, Mum and 3 half sisters, all by different dads treat her like Cinderella. I WHO WALK THE LAND LIKE THE BUDDHA NOTICED THS BAD KARMA SHE OOZES. Anyway it's still a good poem because it's real, she isn't trying to impress. IT wasn't meant 4 YOUR EYES! Revised for the twotts amongst you. P.S. I never said I was an academic. There were reasons it was rushed. Though revising her poem, I feel it has taken a little bit of the heart out of it. A TWOTT is a swot that shows itself to be a TWAT.

Up the ladder: dot.com
Down the ladder: A PROMISE

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Arithmetic Mean: 1.3333334
Weighted score: 4.5629225
Overall Rank: 12654
Posted: March 25, 2006 2:06 AM PST; Last modified: March 28, 2006 9:50 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 | 25-Mar-06/9:27 AM | Reply
as soon as you do the most basic of edits on this mess, I will loook at it again.
[n/a] Garrett S Sexton @ 86.130.241.44 > Dovina | 27-Mar-06/7:38 AM | Reply
You didn't read past the end,it's not my poem you twott!
[n/a] Niphredil @ 132.69.238.221 > Garrett S Sexton | 27-Mar-06/9:56 AM | Reply
That's no excuse for us being exposed to a mess of misspellings, perverted grammar, and woefully misplaced capitals. If you expect to be taken seriously (or the girl who wrote this, whatever), you should respect your readers by bothering to edit and spellcheck before publishing. Nobody will ever take gibberish like this seriously.

I'd save the insults if I were you. They really don't improve the poem at all.
[n/a] Garrett S Sexton @ 86.130.240.60 > Niphredil | 28-Mar-06/9:51 AM | Reply
Revised for you. Happy. Wanker.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > Garrett S Sexton | 27-Mar-06/11:08 AM | Reply
Yes, your spelling and punctuation on the other hand is impeccable.
[n/a] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 > ALChemy | 27-Mar-06/12:05 PM | Reply
Are you suggesting that "twott" is not an accepted, alternative spelling of "twat"?
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > ecargo | 28-Mar-06/8:10 AM | Reply
Only if you "sqoeeze" your eyes real tight.
[1] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 | 28-Mar-06/6:10 PM | Reply
Well if the point of this so called poem is not to impress anyone this one succeeds. That little bio you give at the end(ABOUT THE ARTIST)is much closer to being poetry

ABOUT THE ARTIST

Jamie & Josh have split for good
though she clings.
He has slowly but gently
has pushed her away.

No kith nor kin, and a mind
not unlike a ten year old.
It was BIZARRE then that she dumped him.
He now, being a nice chap, had the perfect escape.

She had cancer young,
nearly died, so is clingy to Mum.
However,
Mum and 3 half sisters
(all by different dads)
treat her like Cinderella.

It's still a piece of crap but at least it flows better and is more interesting.

"It's still a good poem because it's real"
How the hell did you come up with this absurd notion? You don't have the first idea about poetry.

The first line about the pencil is good.
[n/a] Garrett S Sexton @ 86.142.147.68 > god'swife | 29-Mar-06/12:19 PM | Reply
Unfortunately we are all guilty of being twotts. The young div mare has woolened our eyes. All I will say to you is ...
WHASSSUPP!
Amy Lee (Evanescence) Google it.
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