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Dust (Free verse) by Caducus I never mattered much,
I never believed in love.
If there is a forever, then let me be scattered dust,
And in the quill of 'Seraphims' feather,
Write my name, scream it with pain,
And invite the insane, and let us touch.
Tell yourself I was merely a nearly,
And when you close your eyes I will be blind in heaven,
And for the first time I will see myself clearly.
Concern yourself with yourself,
More self, and more self.
Do not discuss your emotions,
Sink to the fathoms of your oceans,
Do not be found,
Do not make a sound,
Just scatter me around,
Chant me one last prayer to the wind,
And, I will blow through your hair,
for now I can never end,
Yes my friend, I can only begin.
Up the ladder:
She wishes
Down the ladder:
Pomegranate Girl
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.071429
Posted: December 2, 2002 12:38 AM PST; Last modified: March 13, 2003 4:54 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.5143356 Overall Rank: 676 Comments:
[9]
Bachus @ 24.126.113.154
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2-Dec-02/1:01 AM
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Reply
yes my friend, to you, my dust i lend.
Passionate!moving!8
I enjoyed the last stanza
I really enjoyed this...merely a nearly...love that line
wonderful...9
Good poem, nice to see you in the top fifteen. First stanza-excellent.
congrats on the top fifteen, you never told me you studied politics? just joshing. here's something to keep you there longer.
you really ripped your guts open in this, heartfelt and characteristically your finest.
very nice, first stanza rocks & the yourself more self repetition is brill.
pickety-snickety: should in the quill not be with the quill?
yes it should so thank you for noticing.
I waited and it was worth the wait.
This self ode for when death comes knocking at YOUR door, by my interpretation anyway.
S1, L2-I don't believe to be necessary to your theme; if love is one of your main themes in this poem, it is not brought out strong enough to be noticed, so this line seems to come from nowhere. The rest of this stanza however, introduces your theme quite accurately. S2 is brilliant in meaning & very touching. In S3, you bring out many good lines & keep steady with the theme, which is pertinent for your reader...for instance I thought L1 & L2 in S3 have powerful clarity for your final "wishes", which will overall deeply touch the reader. I liked your theme but might recommend using more poetical elements, such as imagery, metaphor, detail & not so much generalization. Crystal clear theme though. 366 view(s)
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