Replying to a comment on:

Dust (Free verse) by Caducus

I never mattered much, I never believed in love. If there is a forever, then let me be scattered dust, And in the quill of 'Seraphims' feather, Write my name, scream it with pain, And invite the insane, and let us touch. Tell yourself I was merely a nearly, And when you close your eyes I will be blind in heaven, And for the first time I will see myself clearly. Concern yourself with yourself, More self, and more self. Do not discuss your emotions, Sink to the fathoms of your oceans, Do not be found, Do not make a sound, Just scatter me around, Chant me one last prayer to the wind, And, I will blow through your hair, for now I can never end, Yes my friend, I can only begin.

Sunny 27-Mar-06/11:42 AM
This self ode for when death comes knocking at YOUR door, by my interpretation anyway.
S1, L2-I don't believe to be necessary to your theme; if love is one of your main themes in this poem, it is not brought out strong enough to be noticed, so this line seems to come from nowhere. The rest of this stanza however, introduces your theme quite accurately.
S2 is brilliant in meaning & very touching.
In S3, you bring out many good lines & keep steady with the theme, which is pertinent for your reader...for instance I thought L1 & L2 in S3 have powerful clarity for your final "wishes", which will overall deeply touch the reader. I liked your theme but might recommend using more poetical elements, such as imagery, metaphor, detail & not so much generalization. Crystal clear theme though.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001