Re: Week End Justification by half.italian	Ranger 86.131.59.60	16-Sep-06/2:42 AM
Not convinced by the use of 'rubber' as a verb, other than that it's pretty clear. I finished work for the summer yesterday, so I think this will apply tonight :-D Cool ending, btw
Re: Satyr by ecargo	half.italian 70.36.242.152	15-Sep-06/10:48 PM
Love it.
Re: Farewell, Kind Lover by Dovina	half.italian 70.36.242.152	15-Sep-06/10:42 PM
Wow!
Re: Morning Glory by moyah8	half.italian 70.36.242.152	15-Sep-06/10:35 PM
Meaningless dribble.
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	half.italian 70.36.242.152	15-Sep-06/10:29 PM
I dont particularly like God poems. But this one is good. It reads better if you get rid of "would I call on him" and "quenching" and "torrents of love and grace" IMHO
Re: Farewell, Kind Lover by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 202.164.139.228	15-Sep-06/7:43 PM
This is much better than your previous post. Anybody I know?
Re: Doubt by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 202.164.139.228	15-Sep-06/7:39 PM
D. Not very impressiveor. I've been reading this many times to come up with something constructive... but some how can't relate to it as you might like...sorry.
Re: a comment on Prayer by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.139.228	15-Sep-06/7:37 PM
Geeee!!! Thanks.
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	15-Sep-06/7:34 PM
Beautiful
Re: a comment on My Reason by PoeticXTC	PoeticXTC 137.139.192.212	15-Sep-06/3:07 PM
I'm mad at him for the things he's done and mad at myself for puttin up with it.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 8: stating the obvious by nypoet22	zodiac 152.18.22.205	15-Sep-06/2:58 PM
No, I'm afraid not. You might just save 'thermostat' for another poem. Or find a way to make it more sensible and evocative.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 8: stating the obvious by nypoet22	nypoet22 65.9.114.211	15-Sep-06/1:31 PM
no no, i like meddling. hmm, when the thermostat RAISES? That would be a change that wouldn't bother me much. would it satisfy your concern?
Re: don't touch me 2 by elderking	Dovina 12.72.43.131	15-Sep-06/10:10 AM
There's just enough here to show an unclear scene. Only one thing I would omit: "from willful hand," because it's repeat as far as I can tell. You might want to let us in on a little more of what's going on.
Re: a comment on To be alive by nightowl	nightowl 196.25.255.210	15-Sep-06/8:09 AM
Greetings Dovina! Thanks for your comment. When I wrote this poem I was very inspired by life and those things I was experiencing. So it might be oversaid or not even well said but I still like it. ') So what would sugggest? x
Re: a comment on weather poem part 8: stating the obvious by nypoet22	zodiac 152.18.33.196	15-Sep-06/5:48 AM
I see now that she meant something totally different. C'est la vie. I'll stop meddling.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 8: stating the obvious by nypoet22	zodiac 152.18.33.196	15-Sep-06/5:46 AM
You don't know Dovina. It could very well be. She could have meant that 'rise' is an awkward verb to use for something that people 'raise.' Anyway, "when the thermostat rises" is not a very useful or evocative expression. It takes me out of the flow of the poem, while I think, "while the thermostat rises? What the hey?" I would just consider saying temperature, mercury, or something else that rises.
Re: Farewell, Kind Lover by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.48.32	14-Sep-06/10:21 PM
Nice. I read this yesterday, unfortunately having spent the day shifting vegetables so the mental image of tender, brave sprouts was hilarious. Now I'm a bit more with it, I can appreciate it.
Re: 72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) by ALChemy	Ranger 86.131.48.32	14-Sep-06/10:18 PM
Really, this poem is an explanation of the origin of the phrase 'fucking hell'.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 8: stating the obvious by nypoet22	Ranger 86.131.48.32	14-Sep-06/10:08 PM
Aah, you two are so cute sometimes... I don't see the problem with line two - the thermostat does rise of its own accord when set to, and he doesn't say 'sweats out their pores *directly because* the thermostat rises'. Thermostat goes up, temperature goes up, people get hot, people sweat. As for it being a sentence in its own right, again that's not a problem. In this context it's not a standalone sentence - starting with 'Sweats' in this case means it refers back to the previous sentence for the subject (everybody). Splitting the whole phrase into two seperate sentences removes the need for the conjuncion [and] as well as for punctuation.
Re: Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer	Dovina 12.72.43.180	14-Sep-06/7:58 PM
There’s something about a man writing his own story, honestly and as he sees it, that comes across uninteresting. We want the twist of phrase, the poetry, the stimulating possibilities. We don’t want what’s actually there. You gave us poetry with “dark inebriated sleep,” but took, for the most part the known road. Good job.