jroday
replying on Mosul by Dovina
3 Jan 2005, 12:31 AM
It's better than a 5-7-5
Thank you richa for your advice, the next time I'll try to do better.
My wish is that we would allow this planet to be the
beautiful oasis that she is, and allow ourselves to live more in the peace that she generates.
I see my poetry as a recreational pursuit with no restrictions. I do it purely for enjoyment not kudos, It is gratifying when it is liked and enjoyed. Like my sculpture, I create for me, no other. I just happened to have a sheet with 38 lines and I filled it. It gave you no satisfaction, but I enjoyed doing it and that is what counts. Let's face it, in posting on this site we are playing minor league, very few posts would cut the mustard in the world of poetry publishing. It's the enjoyment that matters, at least for me.
very snappy - though, your example is more of a logical tautology than math
-9-
here's one I wrote a while ago
Math vs poetry
its radius is one-half the diameter
the area: r-squared, by pi
for years I was chained to a perfect circle
the Formulae kept me from asking, why?
the 'too'/'two' pun is telegraphed - saw it coming a mile away. -8-
Dear Shuushin:
Good points. Yeah, I was just kind of just playing around with nonsense....... And yes, I am sure that we never can really do just "nothing" as, no doubt, "doing nothing" obviously always means we have "done something."
Good question about Zodiac...... I'm not sure myself why he became so upset.
The best to you,
Doug
good poem, 9
Doing nothing is always an option.
It made me consider Frost's poem, and how it would be different if he had actually taken neither road. I think it would pretty much end in the first stanza.
*Eventually* you gotta do something, even if it is "went back the way I came".
And what the heck did you do to piss off Zodiac? I think he's just jealous.
Dear Zodiac:
1. No it was a very finely done dissertation...... It took me four years and 234 pages to complete.
1A. No the dissertation was completed the late spring of 1976, and then I received my Ph.D. degree a month or so later.
2. Very interesting, I guess even Christian Humanists are human beings with a resonable degree of individuality (individual differences).
3. Gerald Douglas Soderstrom (minus the title, of course).
4. No definitely not, but I will soon be posting a new poem entitled, "This Thing Called War." Look for it as I would be pleased to hear your comments.
5. Are you serious about living in the Middle East? Here is an abstract that I found that summarizes the essence of the dissertation study that was published in The Journal of Clinical Psychology back in 1977:
Soderstrom, Doug and E. Wayne Wright. 1977. "Religious Orientation and Meaning in Life." Journal of Clinical Psychology vol. 33, pp. 65-68.
Abstract: Tested the general hypothesis that a mature religious commitment should aid youth in their search for meaning in life. A questionnaire was given to 427 college freshmen and sophomores in 6 midwestern colleges. Results indicate that intrinsically motivated Ss, committed Ss, and true believers had significantly higher Purpose in Life Test mean scores than did extrinsically motivated Ss, uncommitted Ss, and unbelievers. The results also indicate that religious integration (moral commitment paired with spiritual commitment) is indicative of meaning in life. It is concluded that a mature religious commitment should aid youth in their search for meaning in life. [Source: PI]
I hope that this answers your questions to your satisfaction.
Your Friend in Christ,
Doug
of course, I meant "sweet" - though sweat does flow.
lol, this is the third time I've logged in and the second time I've gotten two of *your* poems to randomly review...
dimples? that's not what came to mind. Either way, a good message.
sure, I like it.
Actually has a sweat flow - was put off by two things though: "arouhd" (around), "and fill me full of fear" is a bit of an overstatement, considering you have the two lines above it. Yes, I know you need the rhyme, so get rid of one of those others (prolly "you scare...").
Slight annoyance is that I wouldn't normally pronounce "Lea" to rhyme with "me".
still - feels good.
This is a poem i wrote at 1:12 a.m. for my friend so i was half asleep. i don't expect tens. lots of inside jokes so don't freak out.
Given Zodiac's change - quite excellent.
First stanza, about one extra word per line.
that
and
I see
-
"about to die" s/b "who's dying" so you can make the rhyming line "leaving branches drying"
First line of last stanza - rough. last line, need something before "requiem".
Pretty damn close to very good (otherwise I wouldn't bother, friend).
I'm sorry, Miss Dovina. The dog ate my math homework.
Not a particularly incisive analysis. Poems need to be more subtle and crafted. The only poem I see here is the bit where jesus comes down as a jew and everyone is suspicious of him. Also don't use caps they are the most artless device of communication ever.