Stephen Robins
replying on Hunger by Dovina
28 Feb 2005, 5:22 AM
If the simple idea it seeks to achieve is the feeling of having voided in ones brand new tweed trousers on the glorious 12th whilst standing next to the Marquess of Littlehampton then you have pitched it brilliantly. If, however, your simple idea is the idea of a revolving table of food like some form of deranged assortment of victuals which perpetuate the constant desire to keep on eating then you are a fat whale.
Do you think they will get it this time?
A terribly dangerous poeme with grave consequnces for the unwitting reader.
Do you always go down when your boss tells you to?
Your the sexist one. You only made the boss a man because the stereotypical boss is male -- a preconception that we both share, it seems. Well, not quite. The difference is that I'm aware of my prejudices, but you're not. You're too busy telling other people off for being BLATANTLY sexist to notice that you're own sexism is far more subtle, far more sinister than other peoples's's. Indeed my own mildly chauvanistic outlook on life could only be described as "charmingly old-fashioned" -- hardly the sordid, deeply rooted inferiority complex you so happily secrete. In future, I would urge you refrain from sexing your characters unless absolutely necessary, thanks. -0-
Watch out, Blindpoetry's posts are a magnet for insipid preteen semiarguments.
I'd guess you probably just need to grow about twenty years while not ending up like Dovina.
If poemranker is anything to go by, it doesn't.
Please consider dropping the "I quit my job" and "I quit my life" bits.
Welcome to poemranker. It's funny you wrote a poem in a stuffy contemptuous rhetorical style about stuffy contemptuous rhetorical poets.
World hunger is cogent, and an argument against what this poem is saying. I know I said why above, but this is how committed I am to your improvement:
1. "You present me a plate of food" is not an adequate answer to the statement "I am hungry". The problem's not that simple, and anyways, most starving people are not presented plates of food. "I am hungry / You present me a plate of food" comes out facile and classist beyond belief. Just say, When *I*, Dovina, am hungry, someone presents me with a plate of food. But why would you want to?
2. The "New sensations / Mental formulations" clearly means you're going toward Maslow with this. "I am hungry" in successive repetitions comes to represent, in this order, hunger for safety/shelter, hunger for love/esteem, hunger for knowledge, hunger for beauty, hunger for self-actualization, and hunger for God. You probably didn't have it this clear in your mind when you wrote the poem - that's irrelevant. Anyway, I doubt very much that a starving person gives much of a fuck that his hunger is just going to become a hunger for mental formulations while he's starving. Even Maslow made sure of saying that, and Maslow's completely bum. By repeating the poem with the same words you're basically making all those other hungers equivalent to physical hunger. Do you understand why doing that is bow'ls? Because that's what you're doing.
I'm sorry I use so many vulgarities in my comments to you. The problem is that I think about you and your comments all night, and by the time I make it to the internet cafe I'm just frothing at your persistent headbutting into the jellyish paunch of stupidity. I can honestly say you're the most willfully ignorant person I've ever met, and I've met a lot of ignorant people. If you've got a problem with me, with my comment style, or whatever, fine. Personally, I have a problem with you. But that shouldn't stop you from at least comprehending one - just one! any one! - of my points. That you haven't yet is another stain on your muchsmeared buskins of repute.
zodiac
PS-Ace distinction on "sensibility and logic". I bet you a nickel you can't explain it!
Yes, random 10s are funny. That has nothing to do with "sensibility and logic".
Yes, using "your" instead of "you're" is funny. So is using quotation marks when they're not needed. Neither of them has anything to do with sensibility and logic. They more have to do with things that make me laugh or at least smile.
This comment so far has used a fair amount of sensibility and logic. That I have to batter you with it is simply beyond my capacity for understanding. You should just get how it's logical. Anyway just trust me, it's logical. Of course, you're not going to believe me, so I'm applying to an outside source:
AHMED THE INTERNET GUY: Oh, yes, definitely logical. Sensible too.
As for the rest, there is no "straw man" and stop using that for an argument. The thought of trying to adequately explain why simply exhausts me, but in short you're bound to have heard about Mark Twain's famous novel The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and His Accompanying Negro.
Q: Is it racist?
A: Probably.
Q: But how? It doesn't "imply" any specific "propositions" about the inferiority of Negros!
A: Because it doesn't imply anything except Negros are larkey, goodnatured, and easily handled.
Q: I don't think that makes it racist.
A: Whatever, your entitled to your own opinion.
You can't say 'a blatant ... response'.
Sorry, was your idea of friendship a hobo who calls you 'guvna' after you toss him a half-eaten creuller?
Thanx for liking my poem peterson
nothing to object to concerning the technique: the words read smoothly, and the dropping flower cleverly solidifies the structure. its excessive sentimentality, however, weakens its potential cuteness and whimsicality. as for reducing the sentimentality, i'd excise the superfluous sunrise and rewrite "Her gift floats through time/ and past memories," as it's currently trite but has considerable poetic potential. still, i'm only dwelling on the poem's few shortcomings. overall, impressive and expressive. well done.
I would vote, but I have no idea what this is. It might be very good, but it is written in a language I do not speak.
Touche. -9-
What can I say to that other than pratice makes perfect.
<3 Jason