Dovina
on Memory by chocolate9009
17 Mar 2005, 5:30 PM
I can see you ran into a wall without your saying so. And the spacing is just distracting. Other than that it's not bad.
Heaven help us all...
Actually, she said "pretzels or breadsticks", which unless you count breadsticks and pretzels as the same thing. Which, unless I'm seriously more dim than even I imagined, they are not.
<3 Jason
I presume you refer to Rainbow Chaser's "i must say this, true strength is found in utter weakness, if one would only look around and grow from each experiance.... well then all could benifit from alittle weakness." It's another example of pulling certain vulnerable words from the context of what a person is saying. The loose, imprecise nature of her writing in this comment should have shown you that her exact words are not important compared to the whole of what she is saying. She means it's the admission of weakness, not necessarily weakness, that leads to strength. She's also saying that many people are weak because they do not admit weakness. I think she's quite right about this.
i ran into a wall
Yeah, stained/dirty glass, offering plate/tip jar - good suggestions. Then there's the laying on of hands (on thighs, and have you ever seen someone slain in the spirit or passed out on the floor of a bar? I hate to think what the Brits will come up with.
she said pretzels.
ummm. REad the comment that I replied to again, if you can muddle through it.
I know things now,
now I can't be a believer,
now I can't look at the sky without crying,
can't look at the stars without mourning the loss of my ancestors.
Lose it, and use shoes to carry you to a close as it were. You had me until that verse. Try using your words to sculpt an image that says what you mean here, without being tediously long, or losing meaning. An improvement by FAR from the last time I read on of yours. -7-. Everything else works fairly well.
<3 Jason
I love how you avoided the question by giving an open ended answer to a closed question. "I asked what you used as subtitutionary bread", not, what the substitutionary bread ment. lol. I have been a humble patron to both churches, and a bars.
"for perhaps the last supper.
And I, the only parishioner"
Vague, but its there. Your questioning death was the key reason I love this. It fit perfect. Some more images of perhaps, a confessional of some sort(Karoke), stained glass windows(Only think dirty or broken window), and an offering plate(Tip cup maybe), would be easily inserted, and play up the comparison a bit more.
<3 Jason
Strange how the usual love stuff is so unusual and new.
Just try to say it with a lot less words.
Youâve encountered the typical American man. Iâve been told on good authority that if you donât do it, they donât want you. Iâve met several who walked away for the same reason. But I have to confess that his hand slipping under my skirt to my knee, or a little past, aroused tender desires, mostly the kind that wanted to give a hug to a lonely man. And I still believe thatâs what heâd want if he could sort out his feelings. Thatâs why I donât give up.
This style of creating a mood followed by quick jab of insight at the end is very enjoyable.
"I like the clouds.
I want my head,
in the clouds,
My job is..."
Would make you sound more certain of your conclusion but might ruin the mood. -10-
is in the clouds.
The pretzels or breadsticks substitute for flesh of a dying person. In the church sacrament, bread substitutes for, and identifies the worshiper with, the body of Jesus. In the bar, I was thinking of my own death, but thought the poem would ramble too much if I went into that.
I always use words I know not the meaning of. And he rambled without sense.
According to tradition, it's the young who raise rabble and carry signs with four letter words and protest everything the establishment is doing. Unless you're younger than I think, we have here an exception, an atypical bandstaner, a non-stereotype. Rant on!
do you know what the word "hackneyed" means? From this previous post, I would guess not.
What exactly are you accusing Z of circumlocuting? Is he skirting some central point in order to avoid having to address it?
Did someone say strength is found in non-strength or in weakness? Funny, I didn't notice anyone saying that. And by the way, adult sentient beings think without words.