pain killer
on some deleted poem
28 Jun 2004, 1:10 PM
oh deary deary me...honk...god's strife strikes again with an utterly predicatable ugly fat woman rant...intimidates small men indeed..oh come on...there's nothing wrong with skinny women you know...just as there's also nothing wrong with fat women (or men) or indeed ugly women (or men)....but you're not saying anything new...fat women envy skinny women...like so what...fashion magazines promote skinny...junk food promotes fat... and if you're that pissed about being fat do something about it woman and stop whinging...the choice is yours...if you're happy being fat (and why shouldn't you be) then for god's sake give it a rest...but there's nothing fantastic about having large thighs that rub together...it means you eat too much and lack self discipline and probably you don't like yourself too much either really...leave the skinny women alone eh...after all, you can't be too rich or too skinny, or so some nutter somewhere said...what next? the world bank oppresses third world nations?, Mcdonalds destroys rain forests? all men are fascist sexist pigs and potential rapists?...this is very poor...wibble
What message does it impart? Weak.
I like the last line and wish all of the lines pointed to it. Most of them do, but not all.
Too much rhyme, not enough content.
Distinctly average
I like the "fragrances triggered by sounds" verse. I don't know if these are things found written in the margin a a Bible or if the blades of grass and flowers are foung pressed there. Still, I like the touch of my eyes upon these words
i liked it, -8-
Never, never, never end a poem with a word that ends in -ing. It weakens the impact. What were you thinking? Oh, gerunds, too, are words you should not be using. -10- I found the poem to my liking.
spelling errors detract.
what??? how can we dance with all this prattling on about evil and righteousness?
You're translations astound me. This reads beautifully. It makes me feel...good.
The 'it' in the the second verse, what is 'it'? There's no correlation. I particulary like the aurora & the cigarettes.
the first and last lines aare great, but all that ramble inbetween...oy.
"The Passion Of Napkin" By Mel Jizzbon
Napkin was our spiritual leader.
He died on Uranus for the sins of your mouth.
Napkin was a two ply savior
Until one ply went away
leaving him all alone on Uranus
Napkin folded up and set sail
into the sea, from Uranus.
It was there that he broke the
fish and heeled the bread.
Amen.
A bubbling mess of green left by a 3 year old on the carpet of a close relative.
I should smite your face with a mighty cudgel for such a terrible poem. However as you remind me of the Katie to whose memory I still cling, like a pair of pants to an old man's crotch, I award you a fairly indifferent -7-
how horrible , i study geography and have just read pages and pages about alluvium which is just about the dullest thing anyone can do
Missing someone. Not very well told.