Why on earth are you saying 'ayudame' instead of 'help me' or even 'tolong saya'? Is it because, since you don't speak Spanish very well, 'ayudame' sounds deep and kind of beautiful, while the English and Malay versions sound bland and vaguely adolescent?

hmm..smooth.

Not sure the leap from subservient to motherly is a logical one. Don't like alpha-male it is inelegant. The time in this is confusing. You talk of how you knew him in high school then claim many years on he is still not shaving.

The most terrible congealed piece of phlegm ever to have been laid down under the guise of "poetry".

First verse does not make a whole lot of sense. 1) Who is this new squaw the past has forgotten, how does past have a wife. 2) To consumate their raven joining-- 'their' can only refer to the squaw and the past. So how come they are being joined when his new squaw has been forgotten. 3) How can was ever be new, it is the past. Verse 2, talking about christ as an abstraction invented by people to fulfill a need is just trite. It has been said a million times before, and offers a side of the argument but no insight.

first line of second stanza.. i think it shld be 'lied to'... but as i said before... i like it... agree with shin shuu tt the use of said word made it better...

conjured a pretty picture when i read it..

a number of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.. maybe after you edit this and write something better.. i might just change my mind about my vote

A. This totally kicks ass, and B. I'm so thankfull you did this because now I can close my books and go back to the brain dead previously scheduled programming of life. Thank you.

"clam casino" alone, is beyond redemption. Way beyond. 9

He must mean alot.

Umm, that's not latin, none of it. Confiteor natura et terra. But the english parts sounded good to my intoxicated mind.

Guess you grew up on him.

I would try to take a walk. You write of nothing but love and infatuation, try to expand your horizons, there is so much more to life. And poetry.

See?

Ahhh metaphore. A region I have not achieved. l.19, scent? Stanza 6, I think agai is abused,Just delete the second one, it isn't needed. Hearts are sad, yearning for the healing to return. By the way, thanks for the votes and comments my friend.

Your poems seem to have become more and more of a justification for why it will be okay for you to lose your hyman with your new boyfriend.

In the words of the late, great Rockmage (QV) "Could be cute but isn't"

Beautiful in its cold mellow rage. Blessed with ten.

trod on oh whispering vitalist. nine.