sick and funny. i hate that.

that's nice poem....very good

Take Dovina's advice and lose the first satanza

a nice poem ..we shoud learn from that

Therapeutic? Also, you don't have to copyright your poems here.

kinda a "bad thought" poem, think happy thoughts :D

Even with the title, this works both ways. Ugh! I'm feeling girlish this morning.

A lawn tractor by Buick. Hmmm. Is that as silly as pooping a Cornish game hen? You may move on now.

Are you yelling at yourself in your head? This is what confuses/bugs me about this. 8 for now.

I rather like it. I like the cadence but the 4th line os s-2 seems just a bit wordy. Excellent stanza though.

Wow. This is a little more hostile than what I'm used to reading from you. Take that hempidea and maybe go a different direction with it...then you'll be chill. ;0)

See what happens when you post poetry that people don't enjoy reading. You get comments like that. This is better than "Dead" and doesn't have a bad idea behind it, but you need to work on your presentation.

you aint sposed to vote on yer own stuff, FR! Has a 50's lyrical quality to it, and despite the indentations and easy sentiment, I like it.

While it's not your usual mood, it's been my mood at times. Reading something I'd be afraid to post is therapy. Thanks.

tired of "losing", I presume? I don't quite get the 'collect enough hemp' angle. the automobile/splatter comes across as more juvenile than the rest. actually reminds me of something I wrote in 10th grade or so. This is a bit more interesting than what I did, but does seem to descend a bit into the silly.

Who are you and what have you done with Shuushin? In general, song lyrics are silly. Don't worry be happy. And I walk with him and I talk with him...O'er the ramparts we watched...Is that all there is? I've got friends in low places...smells like teen deoderant... If the aforementioned are hit lyrics then yours is at least a -9-.

you are = you're pretend that for every comma, you will loose 10 readers; take them all out and put them back where they are really, really needed. Unless you are Kirk, then have at it.

a prepositional phrase slugfest. Should you try to cut down on that one thing, your poems will be better for it. I want to use my other standard line about showing not telling, but then I'd start to sound rude. Can't have that. I like the idea, btw, of painting this generic but lovely picture, then exposing a specific memorable element - but the rest of this is distracting me.

You can't kill dead man. I am not afraid to die. Just don't muss my hair. Really not a Haiku, but I'll give you a 4 for effort.

I've read this three times and it's still perplexing. First, I see so much variety that "Startlingly similar are the plains From one coast to the other" throws me. And why would the the goal of the wasted and youthful be to quiet these thoughts? Then comes a line I relate to and like: "to keep them in the forefront is the curse of the aged and foolish." The last verse I try to relate to the title and end up only vaguely able. Maybe it's supposed to be vague and dreamy.