some deleted user
on some deleted poem
10 Aug 2004, 4:29 AM
Very sweet.
*10.5*
who is this poem about?
very chocolate boxy
Much too many questions this raises.
Not bad. Just clean up a few grammar glytches.
Wonderfully put, and I think that repeating "cold and black was perfect. *9*
I really like this one, but I thought you didn't like the beach =p
Well written! The metaphors bouncing back and forth are really powerful.
Excellent Poem, captures lots of emotion in a seemingly harmless context. Well done.
The title doesn't exactly invite one to read on, but once through the door, it's not bad going unless you're squeamish.
Bitter resignment. I only take slight issue with the isolation/cages metaphor. It's a little too overused.
Thought about starting a new stanza at "familiar smells"?
You're preaching to the choir. (check pikced)
Oh, you gave yourself a 10 and me a 1. Okay, whatever.
"being ate"? You push those verb conjugations far enough and they'll scream at ya.
Rambling, and the ending is just plain cheesy. Plus, the rhyming is so rigid that there's no room for the rhythm to get off, but it still does.
Sorry.
like you think your poem is the best? there are a lot of poems in here that people write that are way better than yours or mine put together. i just write cause i like to, it may not make sense to you but it makes sense to me and thats all that matters. i never said that i'm a real poet or that mine are any good, but your not any better. look at the language you use in your writing. your not even worth voting on.
Loved this line: "The brother who breathes the color red from the gold filled barn to the American flag."
Very nice!
The nice poem ...i like it
How is this haiku?
It is of genuine concern to me that you have watched Blackadder and yet you have not at any time demonstrated an understanding of irony, sarcasm or wit. Indeed, as I sit here resplendent on my swivel chair in my splendid office watching my workers toil to squeeze out more money for my already amply full coffers, I am wiping away a tear as I consider the plain, confused look on your face as you consider why Baldrickâs cunning plans are called cunning as they always fail. -10-