For some reason, I'd like lines one and two inverted. Leave the big gap but lose the -then- Love it!

Dropped the -crimson. Reformed into stanzas. I'm wondering if -melon- is too vague.

so much said with so little words.

Excellent, excellent, excellent.

Suggestions. Lines 4,8,10 no comma L-11 split? or spilt? L-16 no comma / changet to -though L-18 IN soil Last stanza go 4 lines Penultimate- one comma after year Last line-- the? instead of her?

I would make the first stanza four lines and give -bitch- its own. I think you can lose -glinting and move suffocated by sin up. I'd also like ahint as to who is catching the hot lead. hope that helps.

the most ignorant, piss-poor limerick I ever heard but funny, though and proves that with a little embedded irony and slant rhyme you can have a good time and actually...polish a turd!

melon is a bit vague - considering you follow with periwinkle third stanza line two - 'so' not clear on it's intent. Is it your joints that are aching so - or is it because they are aching you succumb? If the latter maybe a comma after ache? This poem has a pureness about it, I love it.

In agreement with intransit - bitch needs it's own line who gets the lead - I would like to think it's a suicide, a point made, a final thrust of guilt. Nice work, shady and direct.

I read this before you edited - you did a good job then, and now the polishing is evident. the last 2/3 lines need some personalisation - perhaps mentioning colour/markings of the eyes. Let us know your dog. :)

line 4 first stanza - all that I despise - that which I despise...something like that to rid the repitition of 'what I' just an observation...like this a lot though, the inevitibility of it. :)

this could have been funny...nah...who am I kidding, it's god awful

argh! get the sylable count right - if you are going to write in limerick, find the rhythm... snaps for the ranker/wanker rhyme

drop the yoda instructions - add 'a' between writes and load... you definately have a way with....titles...

Cyclamatic ? Wow. There's a word. Say, is it just me, or do I rely way too much on images to do my speaking for me? This is really good Skamper. Not sure about that -maybe-.

shit!!!!

This reminds me of one I wrote where a woman gives back an engagement ring. And his rib.

your stile? that much is right.

shit!!!!

I like this INTRANSIT. you have taken something innocuous and gven it life-- "A june-bug scotch drunk" is a great line. Good work. BTW, it seems like you and skamper are the only ones to comment and vote on this site anymore. Whats up with that?