Re: It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	12-Nov-07/7:01 PM
Meh. Just edited for better sound.
Re: Collective Soul by sliver	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	12-Nov-07/7:27 PM
Poets.org. Watch the video. Look up the book. Get back to me. Good to see you again. Join us or you will be assimilated. what the hell?
Re: AKA Poets by Skamper	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	14-Nov-07/6:00 AM
Yes. Who AM I to call mysef a poet. I'm sure I shouldn't be writing. According to Billy Collins at least. Temerity-perfect.
Re: AKA Poets by Skamper	Dovina 75.82.99.11	15-Nov-07/7:54 AM
This sounds vaguely familiar. Maybe it is adapted from Billy Collins as the 18-wheeling poet suggests. Haven't time to look. If not, you get an unabashed 10.
Re: It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT	Dovina 75.82.99.11	15-Nov-07/7:58 AM
Good. Sounds real, as if you actually believe it. "having" in verse 2 sounds weak.
Re: HATE by forsaken'sbigbro	Sasha 128.135.194.81	15-Nov-07/2:54 PM
Pitiful Voting on your own poems. Insecurity is sooooo hot. OMG ur like a starving artist ZOMG
Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT	Skamper 58.171.107.104	16-Nov-07/1:41 AM
there's always a line that needs something - I see what you mean about line 8, it's a little clumsy. Yet, the line works so well with a pause after own.
Re: It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT	Skamper 58.171.43.99	16-Nov-07/2:07 AM
Since I've been travelling and no doubt annoying the hell out of truckies (going 80k's when the limits 110) I've developed a need to know why this kind of life is so appealing. I say life, instead of work beacuse I feel in another time I think I could have lived this way. Could you write about this aspect, or have you done so? I like this poem's descriptive, insightful picture of what the life entails. But, would love to read about why.
Re: ode to boa:w/thanks to the 60's rock group, BloodRock by malpaso	malpaso 70.233.136.151	16-Nov-07/4:10 AM
no but I wish there had been
Re: The Taking by Skamper	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	16-Nov-07/7:34 AM
For some reason, I'd like lines one and two inverted. Leave the big gap but lose the -then- Love it!
Re: Tingling by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	16-Nov-07/8:21 AM
Dropped the -crimson. Reformed into stanzas. I'm wondering if -melon- is too vague.
Re: The Taking by Skamper	some deleted user 63.127.193.79	17-Nov-07/6:28 AM
so much said with so little words.
Re: AKA Poets by Skamper	some deleted user 63.127.193.79	17-Nov-07/6:32 AM
Excellent, excellent, excellent.
Re: A Vernal Tale by MacFrantic	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	18-Nov-07/7:11 AM
Suggestions. Lines 4,8,10 no comma L-11 split? or spilt? L-16 no comma / changet to -though L-18 IN soil Last stanza go 4 lines Penultimate- one comma after year Last line-- the? instead of her?
Re: Liar by Roisin	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	18-Nov-07/7:17 AM
I would make the first stanza four lines and give -bitch- its own. I think you can lose -glinting and move suffocated by sin up. I'd also like ahint as to who is catching the hot lead. hope that helps.
Re: What bianca saw!!! by titan69	malpaso 70.233.136.151	19-Nov-07/6:33 AM
the most ignorant, piss-poor limerick I ever heard but funny, though and proves that with a little embedded irony and slant rhyme you can have a good time and actually...polish a turd!
Re: Tingling by INTRANSIT	Skamper 58.171.175.124	19-Nov-07/7:20 PM
melon is a bit vague - considering you follow with periwinkle third stanza line two - 'so' not clear on it's intent. Is it your joints that are aching so - or is it because they are aching you succumb? If the latter maybe a comma after ache? This poem has a pureness about it, I love it.
Re: Liar by Roisin	Skamper 58.171.227.135	19-Nov-07/7:26 PM
In agreement with intransit - bitch needs it's own line who gets the lead - I would like to think it's a suicide, a point made, a final thrust of guilt. Nice work, shady and direct.
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 58.171.255.36	19-Nov-07/7:32 PM
I read this before you edited - you did a good job then, and now the polishing is evident. the last 2/3 lines need some personalisation - perhaps mentioning colour/markings of the eyes. Let us know your dog. :)
Re: Fading Love by hobojo	Skamper 58.171.133.207	19-Nov-07/7:41 PM
line 4 first stanza - all that I despise - that which I despise...something like that to rid the repitition of 'what I' just an observation...like this a lot though, the inevitibility of it. :)