Great stuff skamper--the first stanza really sets the tone for the rest of the poem. Nice work.

The imagery in this poem is fabulous--which is no surprise coming from you--imagery is something you seem to have mastered quite well.

Technically, L-11 each day with loss L-12 -that's hard to justify. Otherwise, Amen

I sense expectation of death in the first two stanzas. Um, I'm not going to comment just yet. I think there's more you want to say. Let it ferment, C.

True story or not, put your back into it, man. This is an easy 9. But not yet.

I've just finished a book where the husband was a bottle collector - he had loads of them, proudly displayed and affectionately restored...at the end of the book the wife smashed every one of them. Not that this has anything to do with your poem, apart from coincidence to me... This poem is perfect in it's quiet way, love it.

LOL...sibling rivalry

I would hate to be the one on the other end of THAT laser. Hey is this website in the UK?

This is actually an Englyn, not free verse.

Ok. So I'm making a connection between dung beetles and humans, but not much else. What is the technical description of an Englyn? Welcome to Das 'Ranker!

Bizarrly good.

The focus on hand holding is very likeable. Different line breaks, and some more editing would be good. The spice is right, just stir it some more.

First read. Deep, like an addict. I like that north of the Fading line, it's slow, then starts to speed up after the line. Like waking. There's good music here. Fidgets pinned- is great. Still, the first half seems a little wordy. Let some others opine before you change it though.

One change. add- to- in line 7. Uzwise.....

LLove this. Just read it over and over until you get the beat perfect.

rhcp rules ! I haven't read the poem. yet.

In another edit I've condensed the opener into two lines, and the closer into two lines. Also contemplating replacing -cat- with -engine.

I do love a good vent/rant...whether at a person or an ideal stage we strive to achieve... and I do like this there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure. for instance... I used to think life would make sense - one day all my efforts would pay off and all my terror - end and I'd coast for a little while I thought, if I kept fighting kept holding on I would make it that I would leave it all behind

line 4 - vowed to see its' end, and took vows to see its' end, and vowed to see it's end..'it' and 'it's' is a little too much line 5 - drop the red, blood holds the colour you need Very poignant :)

this is too complicated for me - the structure I can't even begin to appreciate, but the lesson in nature could do with something...not sure what that could be but the last line seems text bookish, rather than poetic... can you show me where i might find other Englyn?