regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	23-Nov-07/1:03 PM
The focus on hand holding is very likeable. Different line breaks, and some more editing would be good. The spice is right, just stir it some more.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	23-Nov-07/1:10 PM
First read. Deep, like an addict. I like that north of the Fading line, it's slow, then starts to speed up after the line. Like waking. There's good music here. Fidgets pinned- is great. Still, the first half seems a little wordy. Let some others opine before you change it though.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	23-Nov-07/1:17 PM
One change. add- to- in line 7. Uzwise.....
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	23-Nov-07/1:19 PM
LLove this. Just read it over and over until you get the beat perfect.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	23-Nov-07/1:36 PM
rhcp rules ! I haven't read the poem. yet.
Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	25-Nov-07/11:25 AM
In another edit I've condensed the opener into two lines, and the closer into two lines. Also contemplating replacing -cat- with -engine.
Re: Again with the venting by hobojo	Skamper 58.171.170.196	26-Nov-07/5:28 PM
I do love a good vent/rant...whether at a person or an ideal stage we strive to achieve... and I do like this there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure. for instance... I used to think life would make sense - one day all my efforts would pay off and all my terror - end and I'd coast for a little while I thought, if I kept fighting kept holding on I would make it that I would leave it all behind
Re: Heroes to the End by sliver	Skamper 58.171.184.153	26-Nov-07/5:40 PM
line 4 - vowed to see its' end, and took vows to see its' end, and vowed to see it's end..'it' and 'it's' is a little too much line 5 - drop the red, blood holds the colour you need Very poignant :)
Re: The Dung Beetles by Pappa	Skamper 58.171.149.129	26-Nov-07/5:45 PM
this is too complicated for me - the structure I can't even begin to appreciate, but the lesson in nature could do with something...not sure what that could be but the last line seems text bookish, rather than poetic... can you show me where i might find other Englyn?
Re: Stringed by thetrev	Skamper 58.171.192.205	26-Nov-07/5:49 PM
OH! this is weird, I like what each line and verse is saying but find the overall connection escaping me.
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 58.171.208.208	26-Nov-07/5:56 PM
Agree with INTRANSIT...the first half needs trimming and shorter lines, defining breaks with lines rather than commas. I don't enjoy too many directions when I read, so it could just be me. :)
Re: Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT	Skamper 58.171.214.114	26-Nov-07/6:10 PM
Nicely portrayed - the one-way relationship, never to be relayed any other way.
Re: Missing - You by Skamper	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	26-Nov-07/6:17 PM
Line 9. sectet? dic.com couldn't find it.
Re: Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT	Christof 62.121.23.56	27-Nov-07/6:18 AM
No smoothing! I like this with its internal rhymes, the tripping rhythm, the abrupt caesurae. Stops you getting too comfortable, just like the barmaid.
Re: Before Dawn by Christof	INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197	27-Nov-07/9:33 AM
Klaxon. Great word. Could you say- boy or girl in roiling- ? Or is this a specific person. You?
Re: A-looky here. by malpaso	malpaso 70.233.136.151	27-Nov-07/3:27 PM
pov stands for point of view, skamper.
Re: Missing - You by Skamper	Dovina 75.82.99.11	27-Nov-07/8:43 PM
It has a good rhythm and a good subtle message. Would be nice if the Word 2 pattern continued: little, quiet, secret, . . . rain/sane rhyme seems a bit forced. Verse 2 is my favorite. The last line is disappointing and vague, seems unsupported.
Re: The Monogamous by Sasha	Dovina 75.82.99.11	27-Nov-07/8:50 PM
I like it a lot. Would scratch the parentheses and the colon though.
Re: Again with the venting by hobojo	Dovina 75.82.99.11	27-Nov-07/8:54 PM
The last verse is quite good I think. It's the summation of most complaints. But we all know that "just and even" never happens.
Re: Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT	Dovina 75.82.99.11	27-Nov-07/8:58 PM
Scratch the "and" in Verse 1. I like "quarterback of the linear team." Space after the comma in Verse 3. Last line is provocative.