some deleted user
on Stroke It! by Skamper
11 Nov 2007, 2:33 AM
I like EVERYTHING about this poem from your use of enjambment to the title--the title rocks!
Don't knock yourself for not writing good political poems--a writer as good as you will find a way--just be prepared for the backlash of idiot comments. I like this poem--the message is loud and clear. Maybe a few metaphors or similes might help? Just a thought--good work all the same.
The musicality of this poem is wonderful--you definitely are the Musicman. Great work.
Sorry for your loss, Paul. Let this simmer for a week or two and see what else comes to mind.
So I dropped the Ibex and some of the punctuation, cut some excess words so I hope it reads better, at least.
But what I need to persue is that opening line.
And line 8 needs more help. Bleh.
I can't see your comment, Mage. The counter is off.
Well done INTRANSIT, Well done. I can certainly relate to the I.C.U. part. Another well deserved ten for you. I haven't been around for a while but if time permits I'll read a few more of yours.
As we think ourselves into a mellenial grave eh?
What's next? Irish pub slush?
Sound like you got a good batch of l.s.d.
Meh. Just edited for better sound.
Poets.org. Watch the video. Look up the book. Get back to me. Good to see you again. Join us or you will be assimilated.
what the hell?
Good. Sounds real, as if you actually believe it. "having" in verse 2 sounds weak.
Pitiful
Voting on your own poems.
Insecurity is sooooo hot. OMG ur like a starving artist ZOMG
there's always a line that needs something - I see what you mean about line 8, it's a little clumsy. Yet, the line works so well with a pause after own.
Since I've been travelling and no doubt annoying the hell out of truckies (going 80k's when the limits 110) I've developed a need to know why this kind of life is so appealing. I say life, instead of work beacuse I feel in another time I think I could have lived this way. Could you write about this aspect, or have you done so? I like this poem's descriptive, insightful picture of what the life entails. But, would love to read about why.
no but I wish there had been