| regarding some deleted poem... |
nypoet22 65.10.242.138 |
7-Nov-07/5:41 PM |
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what is your native language?
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| Re: I am an genius, and you're a stupid turd by Shardik |
malpaso 70.233.136.151 |
8-Nov-07/5:02 PM |
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| Re: The Ultimate~Creep goes to Mecca! by Bachus |
malpaso 70.233.136.151 |
8-Nov-07/5:06 PM |
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that is one kick ass poem, bachus. like being side swiped by a mack truck and punched in the gut.
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| Re: Hawk by Shardik |
malpaso 70.233.136.151 |
8-Nov-07/5:10 PM |
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much better than that shit slinger you wrote about the 'genius'. stick to this style here. your image mining is excellent
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| Re: Fading Love by hobojo |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
9-Nov-07/6:43 AM |
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Change line 3/4 to a statement, drop the -how can-
Line 5. change items for unusual things
Cut line 7
Line 10 try -anger before pain-
Cut the buts, and instead of guilt lasting forever
make it hang around like a sad dog (cliche) or something else. Punch it up there.
HTH.
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| Re: Shuushin the multi-personality total cunt by mr cunt |
malpaso 70.233.136.151 |
9-Nov-07/7:38 AM |
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will the real cunt please stand up....heh, cunts don't have legs, hee hee!!! you can't hide cory feldman in here. he stands out like a sore cunt!!!
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| Re: Turning British by INTRANSIT |
Dovina 12.22.108.229 |
10-Nov-07/5:34 PM |
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Ok, lets see if we can DA and SR outa the pub long enough to declare it all false. I doubt if they sing any version of Amazing Grace.
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| Re: Some poems by INTRANSIT |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
11-Nov-07/2:20 AM |
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This is good INTRANSIT. Something any good writer should be able to relate to. The rhythm seems fine to me. Nice work.
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| Re: Stroke It! by Skamper |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
11-Nov-07/2:33 AM |
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I like EVERYTHING about this poem from your use of enjambment to the title--the title rocks!
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| Re: Voice of the World by Dovina |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
11-Nov-07/2:53 AM |
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Don't knock yourself for not writing good political poems--a writer as good as you will find a way--just be prepared for the backlash of idiot comments. I like this poem--the message is loud and clear. Maybe a few metaphors or similes might help? Just a thought--good work all the same.
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| Re: Winter Moon by Musicman |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
11-Nov-07/3:02 AM |
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The musicality of this poem is wonderful--you definitely are the Musicman. Great work.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
11-Nov-07/5:59 AM |
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Sorry for your loss, Paul. Let this simmer for a week or two and see what else comes to mind.
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| Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
11-Nov-07/8:06 AM |
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So I dropped the Ibex and some of the punctuation, cut some excess words so I hope it reads better, at least.
But what I need to persue is that opening line.
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| Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
11-Nov-07/8:11 AM |
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And line 8 needs more help. Bleh.
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| Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
12-Nov-07/5:14 PM |
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I can't see your comment, Mage. The counter is off.
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| Re: Some poems by INTRANSIT |
sliver 209.248.123.223 |
12-Nov-07/6:00 PM |
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Well done INTRANSIT, Well done. I can certainly relate to the I.C.U. part. Another well deserved ten for you. I haven't been around for a while but if time permits I'll read a few more of yours.
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| Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT |
sliver 209.248.123.223 |
12-Nov-07/6:09 PM |
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As we think ourselves into a mellenial grave eh?
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| Re: Turning British by INTRANSIT |
sliver 209.248.123.223 |
12-Nov-07/6:13 PM |
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What's next? Irish pub slush?
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| Re: Who's on First? by Melanie Jade |
sliver 209.248.123.223 |
12-Nov-07/6:23 PM |
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Sound like you got a good batch of l.s.d.
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| Re: It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 69.23.157.197 |
12-Nov-07/7:01 PM |
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Meh. Just edited for better sound.
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